Archive for the 'Q.O.T.W.' Category
August 27 2008: QOTW: Achieving An Identity
When I was in elementary education, I was noted throughout the school for my academic brilliance. Not excellence, but one class above that - brilliance, far and beyond the standard of my age group.
As a result, I was often given special treatment - rather than completing the set maths worksheet, I’d be assigned the role of ‘assistant teacher’, and teach all other kids the maths concepts. Rather than sitting down and writing in our weekly journal, I was sent to the grade level above me and would participate in their English lesson. For my last two years of elementary schooling, I would spend the last hour of every Monday afternoon in the school office, helping to compile hundreds of school newsletters for the entire student body.
For a year and a half, I was the only student in the entire school allowed the privilege of taking time off class to help out administratively. Then halfway through my last year, other students were recruited to help out with the newsletter compilation. I was still head honcho in other areas, but in this one area I wasn’t the unique one anymore. It made me feel unwanted, like I wasn’t special anymore. I’d spent my entire schooling life up to that point distinguished from others by the fact that I was given special privileges and set aside from the other students, so to have that taken away from me was literally to take away my identity.
I look back now and scoff at my own unease, and wonder why I defined myself in terms of the privileges that others gave me. I wasn’t always self-assured. I wasn’t always confident in myself. It took years of self-exploration and experimentation before I came to realise who I actually was, and years after that to become confident in this realisation. I wasn’t born Amanda. I was born a non-entity, and became Amanda over time. And it makes me prouder than anything else, because achieving an identity is a million times harder than achieving anything else in life - good grades, good job, good relationships. Without a strong personal identity, none of the latter mean anything at all.
Question of the Week: Do you feel like you’ve achieved your true personal identity? Or are you still trying to find your rightful place in the world?
Filed under Life & Q.O.T.W. & Uni/Work with 15 Comments
August 19 2008: QOTW: Buffy’s Relationships Are My Own
In keeping with yesterday’s vampiric theme, some fan rambling regarding Buffy Summers, vampire slayer extraordinaire. Her love life actually reflects my love life, and probably the love lives of many women out there. Yes, this is despite the fact that she dated vampires. I’m talking in general terms, mmkay?
- Random Flirtage (Scott, etc.): The randoms here and there in high/middle school that you have flirtations with. Nothing’s ever going to come of it, but they’re a nice ego boost while they last.
- Angel: The first true love. Eminently ‘unsuitable’ in other people’s eyes for some reason or another, whether it’s because they’re too old, too vampiric, too much of a bad influence, whatever. Yet, despite other people’s disapproval, you’re hopelessly in love with them. This love sticks with you forever, no matter how many others you find yourself with in the course of your life. You’ll never forget them.
- Parker: The rebound. Whether it’s a one night stand, or a slightly longer relationship. You don’t actually like them as a person. You’re in it for one reason only - they act as a balm for your injured emotions after the painful breakfup with the first true love.
- Riley: The all-around nice person, who everyone likes. When it comes down to it, you don’t actually like them - you try to convince yourself that you do, but really, they’re just good for filling in the space of “eminently appropriate partner” who’s the complete antithesis to your first true love. You’re with them because you think their niceness will be a nice change from the drama of your previous relationships, but inevitably, you’ll just get bored and personally sabotage the relationship.
- Spike: The adult relationship. It’s about passion, love, and explosive arguments with equally explosive make-ups. The emotions run so deep that you would do anything for the other person…even sacrifice yourself for them.
Have a think about it. It’s a little bit like a horoscope in that this theory could potentially be applicable to anyone, but it definitely works.
Question of the Week: Is this theory applicable to yourself? If not, is there some other media depiction of relationships that you can relate to?
Filed under Media & Men & Q.O.T.W. with 15 Comments
July 18 2008: QOTW: Sexual Mental Images
I’m conscious of the fact that to a degree, I’ve been self-censoring what I say about bedroom matters. There are a number of reasons for this (surprisingly, none of which involve fear of employers or other authority figures discovering my antics), but first and foremost it’s the sheer fact that for the past few months, my escapades have been taking place with one person only, rather than my former habits of multiple nameless men with whom I had “an agreement”.
Now a brief explanation of my understanding of this reluctance: I know that many of my friends are sexually active. A majority of them are active with numerous partners, as I used to be. That was what made my knowledge of their sexual habits ‘alright’, as I rarely had the chance to get to know their partners on a personal “they’re actually dating rather than simply fucking” level, and thus, rarely had the disturbing mental images of my friends in flagrante delicto with people I actually know. The anonymity of their activities made it a lot more comfortable for myself.
Applying this illogical thought process to my own situation, I can recognise that it may be uncomfortable for my friends (some of whom I know actually read this blog) to read about my sexual adventures with a person whom they may see with me frequently. There’s nothing more disconcerting than having a friendly dinner out, and then suddenly being attacked with the mental image of the couple sitting opposite you copulating in strange positions or places.
I should know - a virtually engaged friend tells me all about her adventures with her partner, and I’m always attacked with mental images of them copulating whenever I see them together. Going by this logic, I really don’t want my friends imagining me doing the higgedy jiggedy with the dude person. And just because I know I can’t be the only person who this affects:
Question of the Week: Are you ever attacked by mental images of your friends or family (or, horrifying, your parents or grandparents) getting down and dirty?
Filed under Body & Friends & Men & Q.O.T.W. with 19 Comments