Why Aren’t You, Didn’t You, Couldn’t You?
May 24, 2010 | Filed under Asian-ness, Family & Friends
There are a number of new phone providers who hawk their services (cheap international calls!) in the CBD by accosting pedestrians walking by. The theme however, is that they only accost those who look as though they may have connections overseas. So they’ll accost me, someone who is clearly of East Asian descent. They’ll accost anyone who looks Indian, Middle Eastern, South East Asian, African. If you’re Anglo-Saxon however, you’re safe. You’ll never be stopped and sold an international phone plan!
Narrow-sighted marketing aside (what’s to say that someone who looks white doesn’t have relatives or friends overseas they’d like to call?), I find their sales pitch to me amusing. Communicating with my extended family isn’t something I’d do on a whim. It’s the type of thing that needs lengthy preparation time – e.g. I need to plan ahead and only see them briefly when I’m on holiday in Hong Kong, but never be surprised by a phone call. After all, when all they have to say to me is:
- Why didn’t you study accounting or medicine at university, instead of humanities?
- Why aren’t you already doing a PhD?
- Why are you working at a not-for-profit, instead of having a stable job at a big bank?
- Why aren’t you earning six figures a year already?
- Why have you moved out of the family home even though you’re not married?
- Why aren’t you married?
- Why are you dating a white boy instead of our own people?
- Why can’t you lose three dress sizes and fit into a size six?
Why would I willingly speak to them without prior preparation and boosting of my self-esteem? I get enough criticism from my parents. I don’t need it from all my other relatives too!
10 Responses to Why Aren’t You, Didn’t You, Couldn’t You?
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LOL. I’m full blooded Chinese, and most of my family are overseas. But I’m not close to any of them – hell, couldn’t name most of my relatives – and have less need for an international calling card than probably any of my white friends.
eemusings on May 24, 2010 #
Wow…. You know, a lot of those questions are very familiar, well, only #1, 6 and 8. But my sisters get the PhD question, and the six-figure salary question.. and the one about “big bank” job (erm, my dad says that one too!). I don’t get #7… Only because the relationship is top secret ;)
Michelle on May 24, 2010 #
I never get those questions from my Chinese relatives :P I think it’s because they just ask my mom these questions about me rather than asking me directly.
Manda on May 25, 2010 #
I love you. And I miss you.
Stephanie on May 25, 2010 #
haha i know what you mean. But all my maternal relatives (6 aunts, 2 uncles and their families) live close by and I see them a lot….at least once a month. I get asked and told a lot of things. The most recent one was: “Don’t study too hard in grad school. Maybe you’ll find someone! Look at me; I married well and didn’t have to study at all! It’s good to try and look for someone in school b/c once you’re out it’s gonna be HARD.” geez, I’m 21 and will be 25 when i finish school. Thanks for putting a deadline on my love life.
Definitely would not buy an international phone plane to call relatives often.
marilyn on May 25, 2010 #
Wow… is it really like that? I think I’d avoid my family too if that’s how they were. Hmm… I wonder if I’d get accosted by your phone peddlers.
Veronica on May 25, 2010 #
Those marketers also hang out outside of Asian markets, specifically targeting the really fobby ones! Cause apparently white people would never have friends and family overseas.
I also completely agree with you, us migrants seem to be the generation of rebels and our families back in Asia are all “sigh, how did we possibly reproduce such disrespectful and unambitious offspring”?
Although I have to thank my parents, they make a pretty big effort to ward off the criticisms – if ever they contact with extended family and they question my ‘behaviour’, my parents completely stand up for me with “why the hell should you care? We don’t. We live in Australia now and that’s our culture”. SCORE.
J on May 26, 2010 #
Well I happen to think you’re amazing. I’ve internet-known (what a word) you for like… 3 years now? Maybe more? You’re doing great things and achieving things people your age can only dream about.
It’s because of the very same questions you’re asked that I tend to steer clear of extended conversations with my extended family (near and far… but surprisingly, especially with those who are near). Sure, I love most of them with all my heart but some of them? I can do without their questions for the rest of my life.
Felisa on May 26, 2010 #
I wish I was far, far away from my extended family. But anyway, reading the list of questions you usually get from them amuses me greatly, and the fact that conversing with them needs a plan-ahead. I agree.
Alex on May 27, 2010 #
I get a call a day at work about international calls “would you be interested in bla bla bla” used to be more than that but i found being really rude to them makes them stop calling ” I’m not interested! stop calling!” and the occasional “you just wasting my time” its just painful. sometimes i answer the phone and i here so Indian voice ” are you the manager or owner sir?” i just sigh and hang up.
Adam on June 7, 2010 #