The Flush Of New Love
May 7, 2010 | Filed under Relationships/Men
I love Dylan. But it’s nothing like the love we had at the start of our relationship. When you first got together. When you don’t go for twenty four hours without seeing each other in the first six months. When you spend hours in bed together every single night learning about each other’s bodies. When everything they say is funny and intelligent. When you’re not yet irritated by the way he snores and sweats when he sleeps. When you’re still learning about each other, and that element of surprise still exists. When you’re not yet in a routine and every single day is exciting and new. When you feel down if you haven’t spoken to each other that day, and happy when you do. When you’re giddy with love, all the time just because he’s in your life.
We love each other, but it’s a different type of love. There’s no adrenaline or heightened giddiness in the love. It’s a slow burning, quiet and consistent love. It’s a love you know you can depend on and which you carry in your heart day after day. But you can’t help but want those sharp bursts of the giddiness of new love, for a bit of spice and variety. You want times when you go a week without seeing each other (even if it kills you during that week), so that when you’re together once more, you can’t keep your hands off each other and spend the whole weekend in bed.
It probably doesn’t help that my housemate has recently found himself in a new relationship (with one of Nadine‘s friends – we’re matchmakers!), and is all giddy and excited, all the time. It just reminds me what it used to be like, and makes me yearn for an injection of new-relationship-adrenaline for myself and Dylan.
10 Responses to The Flush Of New Love
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HOLY SHIT!!~ — I *JUST* commented about this on a blog today.
This is pretty much exactly the way I feel about my relationship. I love my boyfriend; I’m grateful we have each other in our lives, I’m happy with the stability, with the gestures, etc. But, something is missing… that something is precisely the excitement of new love. The rush; the happiness to be living the ideal… everything seems so clear, so interesting, so fresh, so NEW. You are absolutely sure you are where you want to be. The sex is astronomically amazing — it really is the union of passion and love and everything in between.
However, you hit the nail on the head when you describe this type of love as “slow burning”, because that is exactly how it feels. The deeper the river, the calmer it flows. Even though I am happy and grateful to be in a stable, loving relationship, I can’t help but miss the giddiness that arises when you think about the next time you’ll get laid — that newness, that all-consuming passion.
Robmarie on May 7, 2010 #
I’ve been (and lived) with Sam for almost three years and I STILL get butterflies if I haven’t seen him for a while. Hell, there are some days I will wake up, see him lying next to me and feel really giddy.
I don’t know what it actually means, but I like to think it’s because we’re perfect for each other and all that other soppy shit.
I guess I’m lucky to still get those bursts of excitement. :)
Nellie on May 7, 2010 #
Sounds like a romantic getaway is in store for you guys. That usually helps spice things up ;)
Veronica on May 7, 2010 #
Agh I know the feeling. We’ll be celebrating our 8th year this year July and I miss the “honeymoon” period. I want an injection of that old love too!
Bobbi-lee on May 7, 2010 #
It’s weird, because my relationship wasn’t like that in the beginning as such, I’ve never thought about it before, but looking back now, there are definitely differences. We don’t “need” each other so much – we’re both happy doing our own thing, just being in the same room is enough, whereas before it wasn’t. I think things will pick up a bit when we’re living together, but its sad that relationships do happen like this.
Charlie on May 7, 2010 #
I’ve had these same thoughts. My husband and I just passed our 4th wedding anniversary. We love each other deeply, but the new excitement phase passed us by probably 7 or 8 years ago.
You can get it back by planning a romantic getaway together. If you break out of your everyday mold, get into new surroundings with no distractions and no commitments, it helps bring some of the excitement back. Do something you’ve never done before but wanted to try. Doing something unfamiliar will help you learn new things about each other, which is part of where that excitement comes from.
But I wouldn’t trade the slow deeply burning love for the racing heart of new love any day. It has a different quality and feel to it. I like the stability of knowing that no matter what he will be there for me. No silly fight will end it, it will take something HUGE to shake the rock that is our foundation so to speak. There isn’t any fear in the relationship, as there is in a new relationship. There is no questioning how long will this last, because we know that it will last forever.
Amanda on May 9, 2010 #
Sounds like you’re missing being Crazy In Love to quote the Queen ;)
Seriously though, it’s not something exclusive to relationships. The new, exciting feeling of well, all things new eventually disappears after a while. Even just with plain platonic friendships, at the beginning you enjoy and look forward to seeing the person and then over time it seems like you’ve spoken about EVERYTHING and there’s not much else to do. You change a little and even meeting up can seem like a chore.
But don’t let it fog your view. You’re really very lucky to have what you have. Miss those exciting, new times but remember what you’re feeling now is a good thing – you’ve progressed as a couple. You’re at the next stage. And there are plenty of things you can do to keep things feeling fresh and thrilling even at this stage.
M on May 9, 2010 #
I prefer what I have now to the silly, cute giddiness of how it was at the start. There’s nothing quite like having someone on whom I can trust and depend on 100% without fail. And, of course, I also enjoy his company, interests and personality immensely, and I know he enjoys mine :) I like to reminisce about the beginning, but never wish we were back there again.
Lilian on May 9, 2010 #
Aww man, that’s the catch to relationships that always trips me out. I’ve never been in a fully stable, long-term relationship to know the slow-burning, consistent, reliable kind of love. But as a lusty teenager I sure know the desire for some kinda spark. Actually, I’ve been in a cave so long lately that I miss socialising with people that I’m not close friends with, even!
Amanda on May 11, 2010 #
I think that that in-love feeling comes and goes if you let it. I definitely feel it wax and wane and it’s always nice when it’s there, but it’s also nice when my love for Chris is very slow and steady as well. I think a weekend apart may do you two some good! Or perhaps a change of pace – maybe a really relaxing evening with a date and just the two of you.
Becky on May 12, 2010 #