December 20 2009: QOTW: Gift-giving
It’s no secret that I’m not particularly into the Christmas spirit. My family have never celebrated Christmas, and I’ve never really understood the concept of gift exchanges – why not just all agree to buy yourself the thing you want most, rather than have gifts that you don’t want given to you by others? I think the same of birthday presents – I’d much rather get money so I can buy my own large present, rather than have lots of little things given to me.
This year however, marks the first Christmas I’ve spent away from family, with two house mates who believe firmly in the concept of gift-giving, a fancy Christmas lunch, etc. Because I knew that they’d buy me presents, I kind of felt obligated to buy them presents as well. So, in the practical and logical way that I do things, I bought:
- For my female housemate: Organisational things. A shoe rack you can hang over a door, hanging organisers for wardrobes, etc. Her room is a pigsty (by anyone’s standards, not just my own anal standards!), and I thought it would come in handy for her to be able to organise at least some of her possessions.
- For my male housemate: Jumpers and scarves – he’s heading to Italy for three weeks in January, and has no winter clothes. He wears Tshirts and shorts year-round in Australia, but that’s really not an option for a European winter, so I bought him some warm clothes to wear over there.
Dylan tells me that I’ve misunderstood the whole concept of Christmas gift giving. He claims that Christmas gifts needn’t have to be about practicality and whether or not the recipient will use it, but that it’s about something thoughtful and personal, something frivolous that will put a smile on the person’s face. To teach me a lesson about what a “true” Christmas is about, he’s already claimed that he’s going to wake me up at 5am to open presents, then take me out for “experiences” all day. I have no idea what these “experiences” are going to be, because he won’t even tell me what I should wear for the day to ensure that I’m appropriately dressed for the activities.
Anyway, point is, I personally think that a practical gift is more likely to give long-term happiness to the recipient. Sure, a gag gift might give you a few laughs on the day, but after that it’s probably just going to go in a drawer and be forgotten about. A practical gift like the two I got however, will give ongoing benefits to the recipients!
Question of the Week: What kind of gift giver are you? Do you aim for practicality, or do you get anything that will put a smile on the recipient’s face?
21 Responses to “QOTW: Gift-giving”
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I don’t think gift giving is as black and white as that. There’s more on the spectrum between pure practicality and gag.
You look for gifts that you think they would love. That would really and truly light up their face. Make them surprised that you would know them well enough to get them something that took such care and thought to purchase.
I’ve actually found that over the years, the purchases I have just described apply less and less to the gifts I give my own family. I think I know them too well or something, and it takes the fun out of things.
I give *great* gifts to relative strangers, though. This is a fact.
Jennifer on December 20 2009 #
I buy/make according to the personality of the people I’m giving the gift to.
For instance, my dad would much prefer a large wooden spoon with the words ‘World’s Biggest Shit Stirrer’ on it than tools to fix my car. But my mum would rather a pair of oven mitts over a plastic cow that “poops” brown jellybeans.
I’m receiving an electric egg-beater and a cake tin for Christmas, and I much prefer that over a too-small toilet seat cover with a dolphin on it…
(All gifts mentioned are actually gifts I’ve given and received… LOL!)
Darnielle on December 20 2009 #
I hate, hate, hate giving and receiving cash for xmas. Might as well not bother. I occasionally give practical presents but not usually, unless i know it will make the recipient v. happy. To quote Love Actually, ppl want what they want not what they need. People buy things they need themselves, its v mundane. Christmas is about going out of your way to discover what would genuinely make your friends happy, NOT necessarily gags! This yr i made my mum a scrapbook of our time together in Japan, …
Macca on December 20 2009 #
and i put one of my photos on canvas for my dad because he loves to have art on his wall and i know he likes my stuff. See what I mean? Gift giving is not what i consider an obligation. if you just do it out of obligation, dont bother. It’s the thought that counts! (Sorry for split post and txt speak, on my mobile.)
Macca on December 20 2009 #
I’m iffy on this one- I like to give thoughtful giftts too, but nothing practical otherwise I might as well get everyone socks and things like that. I do like to give jobial things so what my friends and I do is write lists of things we’re looking for, and circulate those- that way, there’s still an element of surprise, but we know we’re getting/receiving things that won’t go to waste.
But really, I don’t mind novelty gifts because I think the sentiment stays long after the novelty wears off :)
Carmen on December 20 2009 #
When I do gift shopping, I ensure that its going to be something that I know they’ll use and also will appreciate that I got it for them. Last year for Christmas I purchased my mom a Tom-Tom GPS. I was too annoyed from the multiple times she’d call me trying to find her way to someone’s house or getting lost on her way home from work after taking a “shortcut.”
With my little sister, she loved borrowing her boyfriend’s copy of Left 4 Dead 2, so I went ahead and ordered her a copy all to herself so she doesn’t need to borrow it. I’m also going to purchase a monthly Xbox Live subscription for her so she doesn’t need to keep using my account (which I know she’d prefer to have her own.)
I don’t like spending money when I don’t need to so I always make sure the gifts I give are something they’ll use for awhile. I’m the same way when I tell other people what to give me. I don’t mind my grandparents giving me cash because I can always use that to get something I know I will want and something they might not have been able to purchase given that I’m a huge nerd.
I think your ideas are perfect. They’re thoughtful and something that should (hopefully) be used and not something that’ll get tossed aside (eg: a gag gift.) No sense wasting their time and especially your money!
Jordan on December 20 2009 #
I like to give gifts that I know people will like AND use. For example: I gave my suitemates lotion, because I know it’s something that they’d use and is something that would put a smile on their face. I also gave them chocolate, because I know they like chocolate and will eat it.
Another example: I gave my boyfriend chocolate also, a journal with calligraphy pens, and the two volumes of the original Trigun manga. It’s all things that he loves, as he’s a chocolate fan, loves to write, and absolutely loves Trigun (but does not own the manga). They’re not exactly practical things, but they are things that will be used and will please the recipient. They’re enjoyable gifts.
I think what Dillan is trying to get across is that practicality won’t necessarily bring long-term happiness to everyone. Yes, practicality requires some thoughtfulness, but it’s not thoughtful in the direction of enjoyment, which is what the gift should be – enjoyable. You can mix enjoyment with practicality, but only thinking specifically about the practicality and whether or not it’d be used is not as thoughtful as considering what would make their faces light up with excitement.
I’d actually say that the first gift you got your housemate might actually offend her if she doesn’t take it the right way, as you’re strongly implying that she needs help cleaning up (which she might, but you know, saying it through a gift isn’t the best way to tell someone).
Rosemary on December 20 2009 #
I am definitely a “give me cash or give me something I can eat and/or use” kind of girl
Practicality is #1 on my list. But I’d really prefer cash or food.
I don’t understand gag gifts and I just think it’s more of a waste of money, which is probably why I’m against them.
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com on December 20 2009 #
I like getting gift cards, but not money. I don’t really care about getting the presents; I’d much rather go shopping for someone else. I especially like shopping for my iltle cousins. The other day I bought them books, arts and crafts sets, stickers, candy, and a few toys.
When I go shopping for my friends, I usually get them gift cards or CDs, which they all seem to want. Practicality is not a huge factor for me.
Clem on December 21 2009 #
A shoe organizer? Really? You’re not allowed to buy me a present ever. Just give me the cash and spare me :P
Seriously, a better gift from you would be delicious meal or dessert, or paying for the liquor to make drinks Christmas evening for a small get-together. It’s something you and your mates would enjoy and use. Yes, your friend will use the shoe organizer, but will she actually enjoy it? Probably not.
Most people have pretty much covered everything I would say. If your friend would WANT a shoe organizer because her new year’s resolution is to get her act together, that’s one thing. But if she’s not into doing that, your gift might be taken as an insult, implying she needs to be given organizational gifts because she is such a pig and needs to be given a big ole obvious hint.
The scarves and sweaters for your other friend are, I think, a good and practical gift. I’m sure they’re stylish as well as practical, and that is a good gift. But for your girlfriend, I recommend finding another gift to soften the blow.
Stephanie on December 21 2009 #
I LOVE practical gifts ever since I moved out. Last Christmas mom and dad bought me a vacuum cleaner. I was super duper stoked and still love them for it :D
IMO, practical gifts are always the best option. I want to managed to give them something they need and use. So happy that dad uses the car mp3 player a lot :)
Frivolous gifts are OK, I guess, but… they’d have to be something really amazing IMO XP
Vera on December 21 2009 #
I like something somewhere in between practical and frivolous.
Sure, I need new dishtowels, but getting those as a gift… well. There’s no enjoyment in it. I like to give things that people will waant to get, and that they’ll like to use or look at, and that will be remembered.
Mar on December 21 2009 #
I like getting people stuff that they wouldn’t think to get for themselves. Like, this year I got my mom a robe and a pair of slippers because even though I know she owns a robe, it’s at least 10 years old and ratty. She’d never think to ask for one but she’ll totally use it.
I don’t get “gag” gifts, but for stockings I get little trinket-y things that might not be super useful but would be entertaining or something the recipient would get a kick out of.
I think your gifts are great! I’d be a tiny bit worried that the female roommate would think that I thought she was slobby if I gave those gifts to her, but at the same time, it’s super useful stuff and if you think she’d use them, that’s perfect.
Meggan on December 21 2009 #
I’m not as into Christmas as many people, either, but I still love gift exchanging. I like giving gifts that make people smile — for example, I gave a friend a mix CD for his birthday yesterday. It’s not much, and it’s not practical, but he likes music (we constantly recommend music to each other), and I handmade the case and tried to pick songs that mean something. I don’t think many people forget gifts that make them smile. I see your point, though, and I don’t think practicality and meaningful-ness are mutually exclusive. I mean, if you took the time to pick something that would be practical for someone, that means something!
Meg on December 21 2009 #
Question of the Week: What kind of gift giver are you? Do you aim for practicality, or do you get anything that will put a smile on the recipient’s face?
For people whose interests/personalities I don’t really know that well, I give out practical gifts. These are gifts that, like you said, would help benefit them in the long run (ie gift cards to favorite stores, money, etc). But if I know the person well enough and he/she wouldn’t mind getting a “gag gift”, then I would give that for them.
As Jennifer said, it’s not about if it’s useful or to put a smile on someone’s face. It’s about taking the time to use your knowledge about the person you know (or if not, getting to know them) and giving them a gift that they want and will surely remember. It depends on the personality of the person that you’re getting the gift for.
The best gift usually screams out, “I know you’ve been wanting this, and here it is!”
Merinn on December 21 2009 #
I like getting gifts. For my birthday, my friends request a list of things I’d like, I usually list books that I want because it’s easier for them to go from a list than to assume what I do or do not already own.
I usually like to get practical gifts, things I know that people will like and will also use. I find that receiving cash seems impersonal, especially if it’s from a friend. If it’s from my mom or dad, I find it’s acceptable because I’m use to cash gifts from them (thinking Chinese New Years money here), but from friends and the boy I’m dating, I wouldn’t really expect cash. A gift card to a favourite store would be much appreciated, or books, or things that they know I’ll use or fits in well with my hobbies.
I like giving things that people will use and fits in with their sense of style/hobbies/general life. Getting a shoe organizer for someone is a little… out there, at least for me. Maybe it’s because it just seems… I don’t know, weird, lol. But then again, I have all of 5 pairs of shoes and I don’t know anyone who would have enough shoes to qualify for the need of a shoe organizer. ;)
Michelle on December 21 2009 #
Hmm….normally something between practical and fun. For one of my little cousins, I got a Winnie the Pooh blanket. She’s not old enough to completely appreciate it yet (not even a year old :3), but I hope her parents will find some use for it for her. ^^
On the other hand, I also like to give gifts that serve absolutely no purpose other than to look at. :D Something that is either personal in nature (maybe something I made myself for them) or maybe something the person always wanted, but never had the time or money to buy (like a poster).
(And when I don’t always know what to get someone, I usually end up getting them a giftcard from some place like Amazon or Borders. You can’t go wrong with giftcards! 8D)
Noellium on December 21 2009 #
I think that a good Christmas present is both. Part of the idea behind a good present is that you show you really know the person by getting them something that they would really like. The best present is unexpected but essential. I can appreciate that you wouldn’t understand the passion people have for gift exchanges, especially with traditions such as Red Slips and so on.
As a child, birthday and Christmas presents are a big deal because you can’t buy yourself stuff. It’s the time of year you get things for free with no strings attached. But as you grow up, it becomes less of an issue. For example, last year it looked like for a while we’d left my birthday presents at home by accident and I didn’t really care too much. They’d be there when I got back and instead I would have a nice day with my family and then a dinner at a nice restaurant. We found them, but I would have been happy without.
As for Christmas, it can mean anything to you that you want. For some it’s the whole bible message. For others its a time you get together with family, have dinner and share gifts because that’s what you’re always done. For others it’s just another public holiday. My advice is if it has no real significance to you, then just take it as a chance to think about things you have and to appreciate the little things. Religious holidays don’t have to have a religious message after all.
Anyway, again, with presents it’s about showing that you know a person. It doesn’t have to be expensive, it just has to be something personal in some way, practical or not. That’s what I think people really look for in a present.
As for the question itself; I try to do both if I can. In my experience the best present is one you use. Putting a smile on your face is great, but later I feel guilty that I don’t do much with them. A present you use makes you feel grateful for having the friend and their thoughtfulness.
Robert on December 22 2009 #
I’m kind of like you, not getting all into the gift-giving thing, but I do end up getting gifts for my loved ones because they always get me stuff and I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I go for practical gifts usually.
Sarah on December 22 2009 #
I enjoy Christmas but I always want my gifts to be something that will be used rather than a trinket or something. A proper practical gift is personal though, because it shows that you know what a person needs in their life (or at least what you think they need) and are helping to fill that void in a loving way. Practical gifts are great. Almost as good as giving homemade treats, which are the best kind of gift of all time.
Erin on December 23 2009 #
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