November 5 2009: So This Is What Actually Went Down
Filed under Family & Life & Money
Where do I even start? Let’s try and break it down into categories and organise the information, because this is going to be a long arse entry:
How it happened: I don’t think it’s any secret that I’ve never really been the daughter that my parents would have chosen for themselves. Past entries on this blog (check under the ‘Family’ category) have made it blatantly clear that their traditional strict Asian values are completely incongruent with my own. Put simply, they’re about as stereotypically Asian as you can get, and I’ve been told repeatedly that I’m about as white Australian liberal as they come. I drink beer! I enjoy pre-marital sex with white men with huge penises! I believe in equal rights for women! I like long extended holidays and don’t work six days a week, 52 weeks of the year! I have a tattoo! I’m immodest and flaunt my body in bikinis! I go out and party regularly!
And, I guess the difference between their actual daughter and their ideal daughter finally got too much for them. I was out all last Tuesday night, and was on my way out on Wednesday night, when they stopped me and basically yelled something along the lines of “If you take one step out that door, you’re no longer our daughter, don’t bother ever coming back, etc”. At which point I just thought:
Wait. What? I’m turning 23 in a week, I’ve been paying my way in this house in both a monetary and supportive sense since I was a teenager, and they still want to dictate when I go out? I’m not irresponsible when it comes to my social life – I hold down two jobs (have had three jobs in the past), I study, I organise their business and my brother’s schooling, and I balance all my obligations with a social life. So fuck that, and fuck them and their stupid antiquated ideas about propriety.
So with those thoughts, I left. I took that one step out of the door, and have only been back to pick up my belongings when there was no one else in the house. Which, by the way, I managed to fit into my new car, so I obviously own less than one Camry’s worth, considering the Colt is a micro car! I own much less than I originally thought, which bodes well for the whole minimalist and bare-boned essentials lifestyle I’m slowly working towards.
I have spoken to my brother, and essentially told him to behave himself and keep his head down for a while until our parents simmer down, but I haven’t spoken to my parents since I left a week ago. Nor do I have any intention to for a few months – put simply, I’m just too angry to see them or even speak to them. Given a few months break, things might improve enough so that we can meet again as adults, but for now, I just need to be away from them.
Where I am now: I’m share-housing with two friends – these friends actually. It works out well as we all work different schedules (one works at the produce market so he’s up at 2am or 3am, the other works in hospitality so she’s never around on weekends or weeknights, and I’m at work during the week and at Dylan’s on weekends), so it’s rare for any of us to be in the house at any one time. There’s no chance of having the petty disagreements that can so often plague a sharehouse as we simply don’t see each other to argue!
Financially, it works out better as well – I’m paying $100AUD a week here which includes room and all bills. And, because my housemate works at the market, I essentially get all my fruit and veggies for free. Considering that I was paying $100AUD a week for rent and board at home, plus paying the phone and internet bill on top of that, as well as doing the weekly produce shop, I’ll end up paying less in this sharehouse than I would at home. It’s worked out really well – but I’m also mindful that my situation is unique. It’s rare to find a place for $100AUD a week, and the only reason we have it is because the house belongs to my roommate’s grandmother who’s now in a nursing home, so he gets it at a cheap rate. I lucked out. Not everyone is as lucky.
Some of you are probably wondering why I didn’t just move in with Dylan. I contemplated it, and he offered it, but it would simply have been unpractical. He’s in a bungalow out the back of his mum’s place, and it’s simply not big enough for the two of us. It’s very far out from the city where I work as well, so location-wise, it’s impractical. I also don’t want to rush things – we both need our own space, and if we’d been together 24/7, I would have killed him within three weeks. This will work out well though, as I generally spend my weekends at his place, and he’ll spend some weeknights with me at my new place. We’ll essentially be spending five nights out of every seven together, but still have enough time to ourselves, which I think is the best way.
The initial set up costs for moving out are a bit daunting. I’ve paid for the post office to redirect my mail for three months (enough time for me to change the addresses at all my various accounts), and I went on a shopping spree on the weekend and bought:
- A queen size bed, two matching bedside tables and a matching chest of drawers
- A quality pillow-top mattress
- A portable hanging closet
- Stocked up on some pantry basics
- Basic items – laundry hamper, etc.
And I’m $1500AUD poorer for it. Had to – there was nothing but a single bed in the third bedroom, though I saved a bit as I didn’t have to buy cutlery or crockery as the house is well stocked. Worth every penny, because this was the gorgeous bedroom set that I bought:
Very sleek and modern. I could have gone a grade down, and simply bought plastic tubs to store clothes, and put a mattress on the floor, but as I see it, this is a long-term investment. I don’t intend on share-housing and renting forever – that’s money going to waste. As soon as I get life in order, I’m going to various banks and checking out home loan options. A one bedroom apartment near where I’m currently living is worth about $170,000AUD. I have just about $20,000AUD in the bank now, after having bought my car, and should earn enough to qualify for a loan of about $160,000AUD. It’s doable. And when I get into my own place (that I’ll own!), a good bedroom set will be one of the first things I need. I’m simply buying in anticipation.
So that’s the aim for next year – to get into my first property. It won’t be as fancy as what I was originally aiming for, but considering my changed circumstances, I think it’s the best option. So you know, I’m doing fine. With every dark cloud, there’s a silver lining – and this is it. If I hadn’t been forced out of home, I could have stayed indefinitely continually saving money, but continually setting my eyes to more expensive properties and never actually getting anywhere. This has forced my hand, and I can aim a bit lower now, and actually get right into it. Life is good, and there’s really nothing for anyone to be concerned about.
To end on an awesome note…it’s my birthday and I’m 23 today!
55 Responses to “So This Is What Actually Went Down”
Leave a Reply
I reserve the right to edit or delete your comment as I see fit, though I only delete comments from anonymous commenters, or people with multiple aliases. Using a genuine name/email combination will ensure that your comment is approved.
Good luck with everything, I’m glad you’ve finally taken the opportunity to branch out from your (frankly oppressive) family. :)
Macca on November 5 2009 #
Happy Birthday! :D
Emsz on November 5 2009 #
Happy Birthday.
I have to say I admire you, because if I were in similar situation I’d be lost completely.
Hanna on November 5 2009 #
Happy birthday! \^_^/
Glad to hear you’re doing well. I would not know what to do if I were in your shoes. :O
Noellium on November 5 2009 #
Happy, happy 23rd! I hope you’re having some sort of celebration to emphasize the silver lining of it all. While I wouldn’t have liked to move out the way you did, I think moving out was a really good idea for you, especially as you’ve been so responsibly financially for a long time. I’m glad it’s all working out reasonably for you.
It’s a sad way to make a break, but you did need it. Thanks for not leaving us all hanging!
Stephanie on November 5 2009 #
Good for you! And happy birthday :)
Sarai on November 5 2009 #
Happy birthday! Glad to hear everything is working out well for you! :D
Mandie on November 5 2009 #
I hope everything goes well for you! You know, in life everything happens for a reason. Everything that happens to us makes us stronger in the long term! Just think of it as their loss, and be strong sweety! Know you can do it :) Smiles.
Dakota on November 5 2009 #
p.s HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Dakota on November 5 2009 #
Wow. $100 a week is about standard here for rent + bills in a shared house. Before Sam and I moved out on our own, we were paying $75 each a week. And while the house we were living in wasn’t exactly a palace, it wasn’t disgusting or anything. Even the nicer flats around here aren’t terribly expensive. It might have a lot to do with the area though.
I never doubted that you wouldn’t be able to look after yourself (especially because you have the money to, I live from paycheck to paycheck and still live comfortably)… but I’m glad you’re doing well!
And of course, happy birthday!
Darnielle on November 5 2009 #
I’m glad things are working out for you in the end. Happy Birthday!! :D
Manda on November 5 2009 #
I’m glad you’re doing well. :) (Totally admire your practicality in that situation, as well; I’d just have keeled over.) And happy birthday, fellow birthday sharer!
Amber on November 5 2009 #
I’m so happy that you’re stable with a place to life and food. At least you don’t have to life out of your car!
Happy Birthday! :)
Vasili on November 5 2009 #
Happy birthday! I think that moving out of your parents’ house and being one step closer to having your own independence and place is the best birthday present any Asian daughter (under a strict Asian family) could have. =]
Merinn on November 5 2009 #
Congrats on moving out, though the circumstances behind it kind of suck. I hope you can eventually patch things up with your parents, though I do entirely understand why you left. I would have done the same thing!
And Happy Birthday! :)
Jenn on November 5 2009 #
Happy birthday! And I’m glad to hear that everything’s working out well for you. That bedroom set is GORGEOUS by the way, definitely worth every penny. :P
Regina on November 5 2009 #
Happy Birthday! Take care. :)
Lynn on November 5 2009 #
Happy birthday! Glad to hear that things are looking up. It seems like things are working out for the better. Good luck on your new home purchase next year. Plus, once you’re on the property ladder, you’ll be able to continue your way up. Someday you will get the home that you were dreaming of before.
Amanda on November 5 2009 #
Happy Birthday!
I’m happy to hear that you are managing so well (no surprise really). Sometimes, I wish I could do something like what you’ve done. I want to make my own decisions and the only possible way would be if I ran away forever. I hope things continue to get better for you, I know you can do it! And the bed set is very lovely :)
marilyn on November 5 2009 #
Happy birthday! Very inspirational to see how well you’ve managed. Not surprised though, you’re Amanda! If anyone had to go through such a difficult life transition, I’d have to say, I would’ve predicted you fare the best.
I can only see things going up from here! :)
Belinda on November 5 2009 #
Happy birthday! I always love reading your entries about how you handle difficult situations expertly. And that bedroom set IS gorgeous.
Meg on November 5 2009 #
Ahh Amanda, you admirable creature. I guess that’s a blessing in disguise for greater things to come to you? Definitely. It’s amazing how you’ve gone through it and I know you wouldn’t have fully done it without your friends, brother’s, boyfriend’s and OL friends support :D your integrity and strength is all at fault in this one, but the best fault there is.
I wish you so much luck and there is no doubt you’ll reach to even more greater heights. I’m so happy for you and truly admire this step you’re taking and hope it works out even better for you in the future.
Happy Birthday sweetie!!
Juice on November 5 2009 #
I love your bravery. What I experience in my strict household you’ve experienced, but I don’t think I have the courage to just move out. Wish I could just not care like you.
Happy Birthday! Glad to hear you’re doing so well after all that.
Rilla on November 5 2009 #
That bedroom is AWESOME. I’m so happy for you that things turned out the right way, now you’re freeeeeee!
And most importantly: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Melinda on November 5 2009 #
Happy birthday! I’m glad things are working out well. It’s amazing that you managed to get practically everything in order in such a short span of time. I agree that sharing an apartment with people you see only once in a while is the best arrangement. Not living under the same roof will probably even help your relationship with your parents in the long run.
Nikki on November 5 2009 #
Im glad things are going well :D
Happy Birthday Mandy! :D
Noemi on November 5 2009 #
Happy Birthday. That is such a beautiful bedroom set. Totally jealous! Good luck with everything doll!
Veronica on November 5 2009 #
First of all Happy Bithday. I said so in FB as well, but… it won’t hurt to say it again.
I’m glad that things worked out so well, I don’t think I’d have managed it in your place. And that bedroom set is absolutely gorgeous :D
So good luck with it all, and hope your parents will get to see your side of things as well :)
Vera on November 5 2009 #
I am so happy for you, despite what happened. You now have your life and can live it to the fullest. I was in a slightly similar situation to you. I was kicked out (I lived with my aunt and uncle), but I didn’t have the financial means to house share or get my own place. I ended up going to my parent’s house for a month, then renting a flat with my now husband. Now we’re in a rented house, hoping to buy someday.
I hope this all works out for you. Your organisation skills are really paying off. :)
Sarah on November 5 2009 #
Sounds like you left more than they kicked you out, right? Parents say that ‘ don’t come back’ stuff all the time, it doesn’t always mean that they are kicking you out of the house though!
Andrew on November 5 2009 #
Happy birthday! :) I’m glad everything’s working out. Good luck with it all, though sounds like you don’t need it!
Courtney on November 5 2009 #
Happy Birthday :)
Rhonda on November 5 2009 #
Happy Birthday!
From everything you blog about it sounds as though you’re a great daughter. And you deserve a social life. Best of luck :)
Charlie on November 5 2009 #
Happy Birthday Amanda!
That bedroom set is hot, and I want to know where in Melbourne you can buy an apartment for $170k!!! Up here for that price it’s either at a crappy bogan suburb or pretty much a “box” sized place.
kat on November 5 2009 #
Well glad to hear that things are at least not THAT horrible. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Felisa on November 5 2009 #
Happy Birthday!!!
I know exactly what you are talking about, but luckily my parents are not anywhere close to that.
You are so incredibly independent and wise.
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com on November 6 2009 #
I LOVE that you could fit all that stuff into your car.
Go minimalism!!! :)
The Everyday Minimalist on November 6 2009 #
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND CONGRATULATIONS ON LIFE!
Things worked out fantastically considering – didn’t doubt it for a moment though that you’d come through. You definitely lucked out on the share room situation (what a massive bedroom for $100 shareroom), and gorgeous bedroom set! I agree with all your decisions, particularly time with Dylan.
Heck man, you’re parents scare the bejesus out of me. I’m lucky my parents have adopted Western values, but I come into contact with strict Asian family values quite often, and your parents still top those (considering how much you have supported yourself and the family and independently achieve, STILL restricting your adult daughter is extreme to the max).
So here’s congratulations for what you’ve achieved so far, and a massive good luck and best wishes for settling down and starting YOUR independent life!
Jess on November 6 2009 #
Happy 23rd sexy lady :3
You seem to have got your shit together pretty quickly and reorganised yourself for the future, but if there’s anything I can do or w/e.. you know where to reach me :)
Jem on November 6 2009 #
Well first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I have to admit that I’m not surprised your parents give you an (very unreasonable) ultimatum. I guess this was what you needed to break free and stand on your own two feet in life without them (trying) to tell you what to do.
It’s probably not easy as far as emotional things go, as they are still your parents an no matter how hard they deny it you’re still their daughter. But otherwise you got things together rather quickly. Something you can be proud of.
I hope that you can sort it out with your parents and return on speaking terms with them to talk this over as adults and maybe they will finally understand your take of life and how you want to live it.
If you ever need to vent, you know where to find me.
Chans on November 6 2009 #
Happy Birthday!!! It’s hard for me to relate to your relationship with your parents, but I really admire you for sticking up to them and moving out. Honestly, even though you might not be their ideal, you’re an awesome daughter. You study. You work. You know how to manage money… Your parents are crazy. I hope that they can become reasonable.
Chantelle on November 6 2009 #
Happy Birthday! Nice to know that you finally have the freedom you so deserve, even if at a cost – though when you think about it, freedom is never handed out; and if it is, it’s not as savory.
Robmarie on November 6 2009 #
I never doubted that you would make the best of this situation. My only hope is that your parents will start to see you for the wonderful person you are, and not the stereotype they want you to be. Happy birthday, for the third time.
Lilian on November 6 2009 #
Hey at least things worked out for you Amanda.. it could’ve been worse. I kinda wanna live at home until I get married too (hey, my parents are rarely home to bug me and I love their cooking) but sometimes I feel like I need to be more independent and move out on my own… maybe I need to be a wild child like you and get kicked out so I’m forced into moving out too. Hehe.
Katy on November 6 2009 #
Happy birthday! And best of luck to you and your newfound freedom. Things are gonna get much better for you. I can just feel it. :)
Aravis on November 6 2009 #
Happy birthday! Have a lot of fun, and enjoy yourself. To say you deserve it would be a gross understatement. You’ve dealt with your situation in an amazing way! You’re my idol. :)
Ramsha on November 7 2009 #
When I read the bit about traditional Asian parents, I twitched. It was an empathetic twitch, mind you, being Asian myself and being painfully familiar with all the stereotypes that come with Asian parents.
In a way, your birthday was like an independence day, which is an amazing gift that’ll prove useful in the long run. From what I read, it appears that you have some solid plans, though this comment is coming from someone who is years from getting their own apartment. Your new living conditions are also really unique, and you really are lucky in getting some of your basic needs practically for free. Perhaps all these things really worked out for a reason.
Perhaps — though this is really a shot in the dark — your parents will ultimately be proud of you for being to stand on your own, independent of them (though you have been doing so to a degree while under their roof). But perhaps that’ll be something they’ll realise much much later, long after the initial anger has dissipated.
Again, happy birthday! Enjoy it, though I am sure you will!
Maria Celina on November 7 2009 #
Happy Belated birthday! I have to say that I understand completely the reasons why you chose to move out. I would have done the same thing if I were financially able to like you. My parents were strict Roman Catholics, and it was such a pain living at home. I was never financially stable enough to move out before I was married, so I had to endure their strict rules. Good for you, though! I think you’re thinking rationally and you’re doing quite well. I have no doubt that you will be able to accomplish what you want. =)
Lucy on November 8 2009 #
Well, to begin with, happy birthday! I’m sorry things have worked out the way they did, simply because it’s sad that they treated you like a child and didn’t respect your own value system. Enjoy your freedom!
Becky on November 8 2009 #
Wow, Amanda! First of all… HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I am so proud of you, but I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that. You’re probably proud enough of yourself. You’re a well adjusted and self sufficient young woman who doesn’t need other people to tell her how much she has going for herself. I am so glad that you broke away from your parents finally and decided to live on your own. You had more than enough of everything you needed to do so. I am looking forward to hearing more about your adventures. I hope you’ll update more regularly again now that you’ve got everything situated. Thanks for the update!
Caity on November 9 2009 #
Happy belated birthday!!
I’m so glad things have worked out for the better, I was a bit worried there.
You have such good taste in furniture, that is totally my kind of bedroom.
Bobbi-lee on November 9 2009 #
Belated happy birthday. I like your bedroom set. G’luck.
James on November 30 2009 #
[...] mother, I don’t know. Maybe because you kicked me out of your house three months ago? That tends to stop me from paying rent each week, paying for phone and internet [...]
Jingwen » Blog Archive » You’re A Terrible Daughter on January 22 2010 #
[...] have no internet access at home. I’ve obviously recently moved out of home and considering that I’m rarely at home as I’m either at work or out and about, I [...]
Jingwen » Blog Archive » Particularly Absent, But With Reason on February 22 2010 #
[...] my parents up on their offer to help me purchase a property. It probably seems strange considering past events, but that was the offer, and I took them up on [...]
Jingwen » Blog Archive » So An Explanation Of This Debt on March 26 2010 #