June 13 2009: Stealthy Ninja Sex
Filed under Family & Relationships/Men
I feel as though I should inform those of you who don’t follow me on Twitter that Mr. M and I had sex last night. This in itself isn’t that strange – we see each other pretty much every day, so obviously have a lot of sex. What makes last night’s sex so novel are the following factors:
- It was at my house.
- It was in my bedroom.
- It was in my bed.
- My parents were in the living room, fifteen metres away.
For the record, they think he’s just a friend who was over to watch a movie in my room. With the doors closed. And the light off. And a few creaks coming from my bed. They might find the above combined circumstances suspicious in hindsight when I actually get around to officially introducing him as a man I may potentially end up spawning with.
Suffice it to say that I grew up learning how to masturbate silently at night so as not to arouse suspicion, and while I’m normally a screamer, my years of training in silent sexual pleasure came in incredibly handy last night. Stealthy ninja sex is an essential life skill if you live with strict traditional Asian parents.
21 Responses to “Stealthy Ninja Sex”
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Stealth ninja sex? Love it!
nadine on June 13 2009 #
I thought this was going to be a story of how you stealthily snuck up behind someone… :P
Alex on June 13 2009 #
It’s not only essential, but it’s highly required if you wish to have any (good) sex at all.
Merinn on June 13 2009 #
YOU LIE. Ninja are Japanese. You are Chinese. While some people would assume these are the same thing, they are not.
YOU ARE NOT NINJA, CHINESE SCUM. Hehe.
Darnielle on June 13 2009 #
Stealthy Ninja Sex is an essential life skill if you’re 15 and live at home too! xP
April on June 13 2009 #
I like to do the stealthy ninja sex with the full ensemble, sometimes my partner and I both gear up with completely black body suits and black beanies and blindfolds with only holes cut in the genital areas but with blindfolds on it can get a bit hard to find the right hole and… oh, too much? =P
Just kidding, in case anyone is currently “……” at the computer screen right now.
That’s totally funny though, silly Asian parents. Just a friend – that’s NEVER the truth!
Reading your blog makes me feel realllly lucky… my parents are quite obsessive about giving me an un-Asian upbringing (to get away from those strict traditional norms which they hate too).
But in the other extreme they talk openly about sex quite often, (cause you know, they’re so open, and just in case it needed to be re-iterated and shown they’ll TALK ABOUT SEX). Sometimes about MY sex.
…I don’t know if your extreme or my extreme is worse =(
May I ask why facebook is called facebooke on your about page? Is that terminology for the web elite people =P
Jess on June 13 2009 #
^ Best comment ever.
Jem on June 13 2009 #
see that practice you did keeping quiet came in handy in the end :D
Chans on June 14 2009 #
Hahahah you are so awesome.
Caity on June 15 2009 #
my parents seem to be a lot more trusting and supportive than yours, but they would never allow me and a guy to be alone in a room with the door closed (if they were home), movie or not.
maybe your parents are becoming more open/understanding/something??
Jennifer on June 15 2009 #
Man, and -I- thought it was bad when I got caught making out with my bf in the back of his car by some strangers … imagine if your parents caught you at that noble pursuit!
I must imagine that the fear of discovery can only add to the adrenaline rush =)
Cindy on June 15 2009 #
*thumbs up*
@April Fifteen? Seriously? God girl, you should still be playing with Barbie and Ken, not discovering what Mattel left out :[
Stephanie on June 15 2009 #
Stealthy Ninja Sex. Good for a laugh.
@Stephanie – apparently the kids are having sex at really really young ages. Also, Barbie and Ken = D:
Stephanie on June 16 2009 #
@stephanie don’t be hating on barbie and ken. It’s not their fault that feminazis have vilified them :(
Stephanie on June 16 2009 #
@Stephanie It’s not their fault but they still creep me out. Also, I am going to be confused if we both keep replying to each other. I need a new name.
Stephanie on June 16 2009 #
@Stephanie I like making people think we’re one person with split personalities though ;)
Stephanie on June 17 2009 #
@Stephanie Are you trying to say we aren’t one person? Because… I think you might have just knocked my world over.
Hahaha, you are right, we should do that more often.
Stephanie on June 17 2009 #
*stares at the comments above* You’re NOT the same person… right :P
Amanda: WOW! You sure have courage and your parents sure are trusting. I don’t think mine would have ever gone so far :o
Vera on June 18 2009 #
Are you sure your parents are that trusting/innocent?Maybe they know already and they just pretend…
Regine on June 21 2009 #
This made me laugh, I’m sorry. But honestly, I’ve been-there-done-that! Not so much with the parents not knowing my relationship status, but with having to be silent, stealthy and QUICK!
Jenn on June 21 2009 #
Fantastic! I do hope there were outfits involved. :)
sarah von on July 8 2009 #