Reconciling Modernity With Traditionalism
April 21, 2009 | Filed under Asian-ness, Body
For those not in the know, I’ve had a tattoo of a film reel on my hip since the age of seventeen (which really, should have gotten the tattoo parlour in legal and regulatory trouble because they didn’t ask for identification when I was clearly still underage). It’s a simple small-ish design in black ink, and as far as I can remember, cost me about $100AUD. I don’t regret the decision to get it at all – it’s become such a part of me that I don’t simply don’t think twice about it. As far as I’m concerned, it’s simply always been on my body.
In any case, it’s now been five years since I got my tattoo, and my parents are yet to know anything about it. Granted, I’m not the kind of person who will walk around the house semi-naked (I’d love to, but I wouldn’t with anyone else around…), and am always appropriately clothed in the presence of my parents (and never go swimming with them), so there’s never been any opportunity for them to find out about the tattoo. It’s not something I’d ever tell them either while I’m still living under their roof, largely because there’s no point in involving myself in a row which can only end in tears and disinheritance.
Their protests against body decoration are antiquated at best:
- Girls must keep their bodies pure and untainted with any modification beyond single piercings in each ear. This includes bans on body piercing and tattoos, as well as vowing to remain a virgin until one’s wedding night where one will submit meekly to one’s husbands desires, never finding pleasure of one’s own.
- Traditionally in China, only criminals and those with shady pasts have tattoos.
So…yeah. They can’t know about my tattoo, nor my sexual proclivities, nor my decision to move to the other side of the world, nor basically anything that means anything to me as it goes against their ideas of what proper Chinese girls should do. That’s why I found this article particularly interesting about the breaking down of taboos in China surrounding tattoos. Many younger Chinese people are opting to get tattoos, and like myself, are hiding them (and doubtless, other lifestyle choices) from their more traditional parents. The extent to which I have to hide my true self from my family isn’t a phenomenon restricted to second-generation immigrants like myself – it’s something that’s happening with all modern children who are finding it hard to reconcile their modern learnings and lifestyles with the traditionalism of their parents.
10 Responses to Reconciling Modernity With Traditionalism
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“Zhang’s cousin, who said her name was Ting Ting”
That part made me laugh! :P
I totally understand what you mean. I mean, my parents DO try to understand the American way of doing things and whatnot so my secrets from them are more because of our generational gap than our cultural gap.
But when it comes to tattoos and piercings? They just don’t get them. They associate them with, like you mentioned, prisons and shady pasts. They’ve met many friends of mine who are pierced and tattooed and they think no less of them but I know I’ll never hear the end of it if I get a tattoo or a piercing.
Felisa on April 21, 2009 #
They’ve met many friends of mine who are pierced and tattooed and they think no less of them but I know I’ll never hear the end of it if I get a tattoo or a piercing.
That how my mom is with my cousins, she doesn’t mind that they have tattoos, she even praises them for them, but then again they’re not HER children, when it comes to HER children nothing is ever ok lol
One of the reasons I haven’t told my mom about my tattoos is for the smae reason, she wouldn’t understand. The only reason I’ve been able to hide them from her for over 3 years is because I am in general a very private person and would never ever change in front of her or near her and she know this, so she doesn’t bother me.
The sex thing… She finally got around to talking to me about it…. 2 years too late. Do I feel bad about lying ot her? Yes, but you should hear some of the things she has to say and what she says about my cousin (who everyone knows is not a virgin) ugh. I don’t even want to go there with her.
Noemi on April 21, 2009 #
I have three and my dad doesn’t know. When I moved out a few weeks ago, he gave me the sex talk. No doubt this is common amongst many.
Skye on April 21, 2009 #
My mother doesn’t really like my tattoo, because it is on my wrist, and visible and whatnot. But, I was of age when I did it. I was living off somewhere else. She hardly remembers it exists, because she wasn’t around when I got it. Also, she has a maple leaf on her ankle, and Dad has two tattoos, so it’s not like they could say much. ;)
I really can’t relate with the whole mash-up of tradition and modernity, though. My parents are quite liberal. My family is too, for the most part. The big thing will be the whole I-love-girls thing. My parents will be okay after a bit, but my extended family can be old fashioned in that they are conservative, and our ideals don’t match up. Ah well. I love my family, but sometimes you need to sacrifice stuff so that you can be happy. If that means I can’t go to someone’s house for Christmas dinner, I suppose I’ll go be with the person I want to be with forever, anyway!
Aisling on April 22, 2009 #
I have this memory of being about 12 and putting on a fake tattoo… And my mom walking in on me… and freaking out, because she hates tattoos so much that seeing her daughter PRETEND to put one on was almost as bad as seeing her daughter pretend to smoke.
She gave me some sort of threat, about if I ever got a tattoo ….. I don’t know what.
Anyway, I got a tattoo when I was 19 and didn’t tell her for about six months, but eventually spilled the beans. She just said “Oh.”
But was clearly non plussed.
The other day I was admiring it and telling her how I happy I was to have it (we were tanning together in the back yard), and she just… didn’t say anything at all.
I know some parents warm up to the idea, but not my mom. Oh well. She’s still a cool mom.
Rose on April 22, 2009 #
My parents would be furious. The only way it’s allowed is if I’m completely financially independent from them. Meh. Also, boyfriend isn’t keen on piercings and such… but if i could, I’d totally have a monroe ;)
Stephanie on April 22, 2009 #
I think it’s awesome you’ve managed to keep so many things secret from your parents. ^^
My parents are traditional but only to a point. They see body peircings and tatoos as low class things…and kind of tarty too. Unfortunatly because of my age I cannot do things I want to, because my parents will not allow it (neither will my sister back me up.). When oneday I get things like that, I’d try and hide them.
They are fine with everything else, even if they wouldn’t be happy they’d support me. My parents have adapted to the modern world, and I guess the UK society too (which is different from their upbringing in south africa and possibly south african youth as they view it)
Catherine on April 22, 2009 #
You always make me feel so traditional. I don’t have any tattoos, and I know that I wouldn’t my children (male or female) to get any. However, if they got one, I wouldn’t do anything to them or threaten them with anything… but I’d be sad.
Otherwise, I find your parents traditional values a little strange. Does your mother actually take no pleasure of her own? Does she actually always submit to your father? =/ Those things seem like things that people say, but don’t actually follow.
Reply: My mother lives to work and serve the family. It’s hard for those who haven’t grown up in the same environment to understand, but my parents are uneducated (literally) and very very traditional.
Chantelle on April 22, 2009 #
I want to get a tattoo someday but I can never decide on one image or saying that I’d like to live the rest of my life with. Plus I heard they hurt like hell. Maybe in the future.
I’ve been very lucky with my parents though, in them always being (relatively) warm and accepting towards more modern lifestyles. I’m trying to emulate that trait myself.
Once all the second generation modernists grow up, I wonder what the third generation offspring will try to rebel with!
Erin on April 22, 2009 #
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