Bride Price
April 6, 2009 | Filed under Asian-ness, Family & Friends
Over dinner tonight, my parents were discussing the upcoming marriage of my mother’s cousin (third son of her sixth paternal aunt – the one child planning policy didn’t apply to her family because of their status as peasants in the countryside). The key discussion point? How much her cousin’s family would have to pay to his fiancee’s family as the “bride price”, a kind of reversed dowry.
It’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard. How much is a woman worth? By their discussion, paying about 70,000RMB to the bride’s family is de rigeur in their rural village – so the monetary worth of a woman in rural China is approximately $14,000AUD, 7,600€, or $10,000USD. How many rural Chinese brides could you buy? I can almost afford two!
They argued that this was tradition, and that it was easier for the villagers to go along with it than to turn away from it. Yes, and? It would have been easier to continue binding feet. It would have been easier for well-to-do men to continue having five or more concubines. It would have been easier to remain under imperial rule rather than overthrow the emperor. Just because it’s easier to stay with a certain tradition doesn’t mean that it’s right.
As people with more enlightened and egalitarian views who have ties to the village, my family should be doing our best to educate our extended family about matters like this. Women shouldn’t still be considered possessions to be bought and sold. It sickens me that someone related to me could still think in these terms.
3 Responses to Bride Price
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It sickens me too. The problem is, I don’t see how it’s going to change anytime soon on a grand scale. But you’re right – people with ties & influence in those kinds of cultures should be working to progress equality and promote the infinite worth of a human life, female or male, not go long with it just because its tradition.
Chanel on April 7, 2009 #
Do they really see it as buying a bride, a woman? Will all of the money really go to her family and not to the new couple at all? Regardless, I hate it when people justify stuff with “that’s just the way it is” or “it’s tradition” without a care for if something is right or wrong.
Chantelle on April 7, 2009 #
I agree that ‘tradition talk’ is just shit – however, try not to be so hard on your parents, they were not as lucky as us that they are simply known to those things, they were not told to have choices. It’s like wedding cake, wedding dress to them – part of a ceremony.
Now, I hate the idea, and would never allow anyone in my family to do that. That said, I respectfully disagree with what you said about it being ‘the price of a bride’. It is not like tying your feet – it used to make sense, still does in some rural parts of China. You see, in modern society, people work hard when they are young and are basically covered by government and pension.. etc. In the old days, they were farmers. When they got old, they relied on their children to take care of them. And since traditionally sons lived with their parents and daughters lived with their husbands, having your daughter married meant that there would be no one to take care of you. That money was supposed to be for the parents – to take better care of themselves, hire someone etc. It’s kind of like insurance – you lose a leg, you get a lot of money for that. But every sane person would still want the leg instead of the money. There was practical use for that money, it didn’t mean they sold their daughter.
I know a lot of people misused that, but it wasn’t the tradition’s fault – it belonged to the people who took advantage of it.
Melody on April 8, 2009 #