Why Robert Doyle Is A Fucktard
December 3, 2008 | Filed under Australia, Politics
From this source:
- He wants to eliminate the noble art of busking.
- He wants to allow traffic down Swanston Street Walk.
- He wants to stop ‘bogans’ from entering the city.
- He wants to build a theme park in the city.
- He’s obviously a tool of the highest degree.
There are so many things wrong with him stepping into the role as the mayor of my fair city.
Firstly, busking is a time-honoured tradition in Melbourne. It’s legal (you actually do have to have a license to busk), it requires skill not possessed by your average individual (not only musical acts, but we have magicians and human statues, etc.), and it’s a hallmark of any family day in the city. Strolling down Bourke St Walk or Southbank and stopping every fifty or so metres in order to watch different acts is part of the intrinsic flavour of Melbourne – as much as drinking a coffee at a sidewalk cafe in Paris, or stealing other people’s cabs in New York.
Secondly, Swanston Street is the main promenade in Melbourne’s city centre. It’s currently only used for pedestrian traffic, tram routes (I think about six different routes go down Swanston Street Walk), cyclists, delivery vans (for shops along that strip only!) and emergency vehicles (police, ambulance, etc.) in daylight hours only. That’s the way it should stay, for safety reasons (pedestrians are already spilling onto the road as there’s simply not enough room on the sidewalk for them), and for public transport reasons (trams already get backed up a bit along this stretch, why aggravate the problem by allowing personal vehicles that will only further clog up traffic?). Allow cars onto this part of the road, and you’ll only get the constant bottlenecked traffic jam you currently get at the corner of Elizabeth Street and Flinders Street.
Thirdly, a ‘bogan’ in the purest sense of the word, is a person. A person who sports a mullet, has bad body odour, and enjoys addressing others as “youse” perhaps, but a person nonetheless. Discouraging these people from entering the city is not only discrimination on the highest degree, but also impractical and impossible to enforce. If Doyle is defining ‘bogan’ as the binge drinkers who treat the city streets as their own private urinal after midnight on weekends, then there’s better options for controlling such behaviour. Banning them isn’t the answer.
Fourthly, his proposal of a theme park is just stupid. There’s no space, only tourists would go, it can only lose money, and it’s ridiculous. No sane parent is going to take their children to a theme park at night in Melbourne when you haven’t even fixed the problem of drunkards on Melbourne streets at night – who’s going to want to expose their children to that kind of behaviour? Australians simply aren’t keen on theme parks, and when they feel the rare urge to visit one, they’re more likely to fly up to the Gold Coast and go to the big four (Seaworld, Movieworld, Dreamworld, Wet’n'Wild), than go to what will undoubtedly be a second-rate excuse for a theme park in Melbourne.
And lastly, to reiterate: He’s obviously a tool of the highest degree.
3 Responses to Why Robert Doyle Is A Fucktard
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People who desire to ruin the traditions of a old, well-established city of the world do not belong in any sort of office controlling that city. I sure hope he doesn’t ruin Melbourne for the rest of us.
Stephanie on December 4, 2008 #
Who is this douchebag and how’d he get elected?
Arielle on December 4, 2008 #
As if Swanston should be even slower. Ding ding. Nine tram routes, actually. It’s chaos.
Obviously he’s trying to compensate for his failure to reach the position of Premier. I wonder why!
Jen on December 4, 2008 #