Three Part Series: My Parents
October 28, 2008 | Filed under Asian-ness, Family & Friends
Part three of a three part series. Read part one and two.
Aged 24 and 18 respectively, my father and mother met under mutually beneficial circumstances. He needed a wife to care for his aging mother, she needed a husband to help her move away from simply being a factory hand for the rest of her life and to achieve legitimate residency in Hong Kong. Introduced by his godmother, her landlady, they began courting in the summer of 1984, and married by late autumn 1984. She was able to quit her factory job, moving into his rented apartment to care for his mother who lived with them. He was able to work longer hours to support what they hoped to be a rapidly expanding family.
For the first eighteen months, their marriage was coloured by an inability to conceive, no matter how they tried. My mother’s early years of near-malnutrition had wrecked havoc with her reproductive system, and it was only with the help of foul brews of Chinese medicine that they were finally able to have me, the much cherished child (if slightly less valuable because in possession of a vagina rather than a penis). There were no further concentrated attempts for a child, with my brother’s birth ten years later a complete accident.
After my birth in 1986, things ran smoothly for a few years. We were gradually becoming middle-class rather than working-class, as my father ascended the managerial ladder at the fur factory. As the youngest, I was the darling child of the entire extended family, doted upon by all family members. Then came the 1989 Tian’an’men incident. I needn’t explain further – this incident sent shockwaves through Hong Kong as people looked to the 1997 handover and contemplated a life under a dictatorial militant Communist rule.
My parents were no different, and they made the decision to apply for immigration to other countries before 1997 – England, Canada, America, and Australia were on the list. They were accepted to Australia (in those days, seen by many Chinese as a backwater, a last resort for immigration) under a loophole that allowed us entry on a “skilled migrant” visa, but which would see my parents labouring for the next fifteen years in the service industry.
Their middle-class aspirations in Hong Kong cast aside, they were once again the lowest of the low, the poor migrant in Australia unable to speak the language, destined to working in minimum wage positions, pinching every penny, all their hopes wrapped up in their offspring and the equal education opportunities offered by Australia. It is only last year, eighteen years after we first immigrated, that my parents were able to take up semi-retirement in their own home and finally take a breather from working fourteen-hour days.
Their hard work has meant that my brother and I have had opportunities open to us that we wouldn’t have had in Hong Kong or China. Who would have thought that a child of two people who didn’t complete schooling beyond fourteen years of age would be on the cusp of finishing their bachelor’s degree, and on the ‘hit list’ of two different departments wanting her to continue further post-graduate study with them? Who would have thought that at the age of 21, a child of two people who didn’t put a deposit on their first home until they were 35 would be looking at purchasing her first property? Who would have thought that a child of two people who worked minimum wage positions for the majority of their lives would be eligible to earn above and beyond $45,000 in her first year once she finishes studying?
I know now that there is no love in their marriage, though there is a familiarity bred from twenty-four years of cohabitation. There is no love, though there is an understanding that one needs the other to survive in this strange country. There is no love, though there is a pride in their children and what they have to offer, and how far they’ve each come from their humble, poverty-stricken beginnings.
My parents are the reason why I am the way I am today. Their childhoods, their lives together, their role as parents, have shaped the person I am and the values I hold, and will continue to shape the children that I will have, and their children, and their children’s children.
15 Responses to Three Part Series: My Parents
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Thank you for sharing your parents stories. They sound like very resilient, strong people.
Tanya on October 28, 2008 #
The whole series was well written and interesting, but you already know that. Many of your readers most likely dont have parents with such amazing stories.
Now I see even more your interest in arranged marraige. At the time it seemed an interest only because of your friend.
Skye on October 28, 2008 #
Wow, I enjoyed reading this series. I’m actually kind of jealous that you know your parents’ histories better than I know my parents’.
Sometimes marriage isn’t about love, but through mutual agreements and understanding, and I can see that with your parents, or from what I came to a conclusion after reading this.
Your parents are hard-workers, and I am glad they are finally able to have some sort of a retirement to relax for a change.
It’s great that you took the opportunity that were given to you instead of wasting it away like some people might. Kudos to you and your parents.
Now I have to look up on that 1989 Incident thing. YAY for random personal research!
Tara on October 28, 2008 #
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this with us! I really admire your parents. :)
Mari on October 28, 2008 #
These stories were a very enjoyable read and also bring back some nostalgic memories from my junior high school years.
My parents inherited some books from a relative who was a writer. One of his books is called “The Beauty Contest” which is a collection of short stories from the 60-70s. The general tone of them is somewhat similar to your stories.
It’s a bit weird also, as when I was a kid there was still communism here. But I honestly don’t remember having no access to culture… maybe the lack of TV, but as I was 6 when it got abolished…
Vera on October 28, 2008 #
Thank you so much for sharing these stories, most especially because as you said, these stories have shaped who YOU are. :)
Mandie on October 29, 2008 #
This was a wonderful series. It’s really very touching. You have such a gift, and it’s easy to see that appreciate the sacrifices that they made for you.
Veronica on October 29, 2008 #
Hey Amanda, your series on your family is soo inspiring and really touched me. I love reading histories especially of Chinese people. =)
Katy on October 29, 2008 #
Thanks again for sharing all of this. It’s great being able to link people to history (like Tiananmen Square) that I’ve learned about in school. Adds another dimension and link in the brain.
I bet your parents are really, really proud of you.
Erin on October 29, 2008 #
Glad to see there’s a happy ending to this story, even if I already knew things would end well :) Like somebody above said, your parents must be really proud of you – not only because you’ve done so well in school and will most definitely obtain (at least) a middle-class lifestyle after you graduate, but because you recognize your parents for their efforts as well. Props to the last three entries!
Chantelle on October 29, 2008 #
Oh, wow. Thank you for sharing those words. It’s amazing just how much I related and resonated with your story. My Mom and I immigrated to Canada about ten years ago, and every day, I can’t help but be amazed and impressed by the sheer utter resilience and perseverance that my Mom exhibited during the first few years of our move.
She has sacrificed so much for me to have what I have now, and I am who I am because of her.
Great stuff, Amanda :).
Allee on October 29, 2008 #
That was written very beautifully Amanda :) It would be great for one of the essays that they require you to write for college or scholarship applications. Haha
Seriously, I admire your parents. They remind me so much of my parents… I think it’s these kinds of sacrifices made by immigrant Asian parents that strengthen family ties even more therefore strengthening the stereotype that Asian families are incredibly close-knit. Sometimes, I find that people in individualistic societies (like the US… and, I assume, like in Australia) have a hard time understanding the respect for and close connection that we have with our parents. Thanks for your sharing family history. Explaining what your parents had to go through to get to where you are now gives insight to why Asian families are so close-knit.
I’m sure your parents are very, very proud of you. You’ve done very well and I’m sure you’ll continue to succeed in whatever you choose to do. :) Every sacrifice they’ve made will be worth the successes you will achieve in the very near future.
Felisa on October 29, 2008 #
When I read this, I felt so….the same! There is no love in my parent’s marriage either, but you put it so perfectly. Your parents have been through a lot and seeing what you can make of yourself will make them very proud of you, and themselves =)
marilyn on October 29, 2008 #
A very insightful and evocative series, Amanda. I can certainly see who you get your strength and work ethic from. Much of the story resonated with me as well, being such a yellow individual. Har har.
Bravo, Moonds. :)
Xuan on October 29, 2008 #
It’s refreshing to hear these stories so that we can reflect on how very fortunate some of us are.
The work ethic of Asian immigrants is well known and respected by every thinking Australian. We are fortunate to have such good people choose to live here.
Robinoz on February 12, 2009 #