August 27 2008: QOTW: Achieving An Identity
Filed under Life & Q.O.T.W. & Uni/Work
When I was in elementary education, I was noted throughout the school for my academic brilliance. Not excellence, but one class above that – brilliance, far and beyond the standard of my age group.
As a result, I was often given special treatment – rather than completing the set maths worksheet, I’d be assigned the role of ‘assistant teacher’, and teach all other kids the maths concepts. Rather than sitting down and writing in our weekly journal, I was sent to the grade level above me and would participate in their English lesson. For my last two years of elementary schooling, I would spend the last hour of every Monday afternoon in the school office, helping to compile hundreds of school newsletters for the entire student body.
For a year and a half, I was the only student in the entire school allowed the privilege of taking time off class to help out administratively. Then halfway through my last year, other students were recruited to help out with the newsletter compilation. I was still head honcho in other areas, but in this one area I wasn’t the unique one anymore. It made me feel unwanted, like I wasn’t special anymore. I’d spent my entire schooling life up to that point distinguished from others by the fact that I was given special privileges and set aside from the other students, so to have that taken away from me was literally to take away my identity.
I look back now and scoff at my own unease, and wonder why I defined myself in terms of the privileges that others gave me. I wasn’t always self-assured. I wasn’t always confident in myself. It took years of self-exploration and experimentation before I came to realise who I actually was, and years after that to become confident in this realisation. I wasn’t born Amanda. I was born a non-entity, and became Amanda over time. And it makes me prouder than anything else, because achieving an identity is a million times harder than achieving anything else in life – good grades, good job, good relationships. Without a strong personal identity, none of the latter mean anything at all.
Question of the Week: Do you feel like you’ve achieved your true personal identity? Or are you still trying to find your rightful place in the world?
15 Responses to “QOTW: Achieving An Identity”
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I spent most of my primary school years in a similar position, but instead of feeling special, I felt isolated. I was picked on for being a ‘nerd’ and a ‘teacher’s pet’. Because of this, I spent the majority of my high school years purposely trying to dumb myself down so I’d be accepted as just another average student.
However, once I left high school, I realised that being academically gifted wasn’t such a bad thing… but by then, my brain had wasted away and I had truly become average (by my definition of average, of course).
But now, I’m comfortable with being average. I’m comfortable with myself. The only problem I have with being my true self is that it unintentionally pisses people off… but that’s not my problem. It’s theirs.
Nellie on August 27 2008 #
Still trying. ;)
Rachael on August 27 2008 #
I feel like I’m half way there. I’m much more comfortable in myself than I was five years ago, but at the same time I feel that I still have some growing to do.
Tanya on August 27 2008 #
Well, I think I’ve found myself now but I still have some more work to do. I must say you’re a source of inspiration, Amanda.
Regine on August 27 2008 #
I wasn’t dubbed “smart” when I first moved to Canada, because I couldn’t understand the language. Later on though, I was usually the one people went to for questions. I definitely haven’t found my rightful place in the world yet, and I don’t know if I ever will. However, I’m comfortable to be in school right now and I think that’s the best I can hope for at this moment in my life. :P
Regina on August 27 2008 #
I was put in similar situations in elementary. I spent hardly any time in class, because I was always put into special groups. In grade two, my reading level was that of a ninth grader, so I obviously didn’t want to read “See Spot Run.”
I think that I have a nice base for my identity going, but that it sometimes overwhelms me so much that it throws me a bit off course in regards to building it up from the foundation. I have Borderline Personality (that term is so outdated though :P ), which, is “cured,” by figuring out how the way my mind works, and essentially.. cutting it off at the pass before I become destructive. So, really, overcoming that is a big obstacle between finding my true identity– but I think I’m on the right track!
Aisling on August 27 2008 #
I feel my personality – or identity if you will – is pretty fuzzy around the edges. I’m still way too insecure to find my proper place in the world, and define myself very much by what I can do, rather than who I am. It can be frustrating.
Mari on August 28 2008 #
I’ve read that the older you get, the more “yourself ” that you become.
I feel like I’m my own person, but I imagine my sense of self will continue to grow.
Erin on August 28 2008 #
I haven’t gotten there yet, but I know I will. ;)
Kycoo on August 28 2008 #
I think, as an identity, your life will change in a number of ways and that’ll you adapt as it happens? So perhaps the idea is a flawed concept because everybody is more of a social chameleon depending on their environment. Regardless of that, I do think “getting the grades, good job” etcetera is still part of forging your own identity because it represents (to some extent) the life choices that you’ve made.
I’m secure in who I am, and I’m indefinably “me” but that doesn’t mean that this identity won’t develop and/or grow over time. :P
Amber on August 28 2008 #
ugh, I haven’t found my place in any world and I constantly feel lost at life. I’ve never felt smart either. Even when I did well academically as a kid, even when I was a valedictorian and even now when my grades (so far) have never been better and I think it’s because I don’t know what my purpose is. What good is having high numbers on your transcript if you don’t know what to do with it? I want, desperately, to be able to direct all this effort, to dedicate all myself to something meaningful – to me at least – but I honestly have no clue.
marilyn on August 28 2008 #
I don’t think that I know who am fully as a person yet. I’m not sure if I’m really trying to ‘find’ my place in the world, as opposed to taking life day by day and seeing what happens. I’m still young and haven’t really experienced many things yet, so I really can’t form a true identity. Anyways, I don’t really want to overwhelm myself with soul searching just yet. :P
Yara on August 28 2008 #
I believe that we continue to grow as a person, from the day we are born till the day that we die. It might sound really corny, but I don’t feel that there’s one point where you can say THIS is me.
We will continue to grow and change, inspired/stimulated/put down by things that happen to us and around us, even our personality changes over time…
Anyhow, I do think that at this point I am exactly who I feel I ought to be and I suppose you can count that as an identity.
Thanks for this post, it’s given me something to think about! :)
Marieke on August 28 2008 #
I think I have a very strong sense of personal identity, but to me knowing who I am isn’t that important. It’s the bare minimum. I want to achieve certain things. If I don’t (and if I don’t, at least, work hard), I may know who I am… but then, it’s kind of like “Yeah, I know who I am, but what’s the point? I’m failing at life. Why am I even existing?”
Chantelle on August 29 2008 #
I know exactly who I am, and I have a few ideas about what I want out of life… So I still haven’t found my place in the world yet!
Shen-Shen on September 4 2008 #