August 17 2008: I’m A Man’s Woman
Filed under Friends
I went out with some girl friends on Friday night for dinner at a Chinese restaurant called Kum Den (oh the possible wordplay). We’d all met fairly recently, over the Australian summer of 2006/2007, when we were all in China for the same language study program. We’d stayed in touch as well, which is surprisingly hard because for a lot of people, their holiday selves are quite different from their regular selves. It’s the whole “I don’t have to think about work or school” unstressful lifestyle, where you can party until dawn without consequences. When you return home, you quite often find that you simply have nothing in common with those that you got on well with when away.
In any case, the dinner was notable perhaps because they are pretty much my only girl friends, and vice versa as well. Not one of the four of us present at the get-together have more than a handful of close female friends, yet we all have a whole phonebook’s worth of close male friends. We recognise in each other a kindred spirit - someone down-to-earth, practical and without emotional complications, someone more at ease with men than women.
I’ve always had a problem - women hate me, men love me. I’m a girly girl in the way I dress myself, but I’m a man’s woman in the way I act.I drink beer, I fart, I burp, I swear all the fucking time, I make crude jokes, I love watching football, I scratch my crotch (exaggeration!) and I ogle hot women walking past. Apparently the large majority of my fellow sex don’t like to be friends with women like this, though they’re generally happy to indulge this behaviour in their men. Who would’ve guessed?
My fellow dinner partners have similar problems: one is so down-to-earth and practical that she can’t help but be scathing of the high school dramas and cliques that seem to come packaged with the large majority of women of our age group; another is so incredibly beautiful, talented, and intelligent that’s she’s often viewed as a threat; another is so earthy and sensual (even more so than myself I’d say) that she’s automatically stereotyped as a dangerous maneater to avoid.
When we get together, we’re grown ups. It’s hard to find another group of females in their early twenties here in Melbourne, who when they get together, don’t get together for the express purpose of getting pissed and dancing till dawn. Rather, when we get together we make it a point to try new restaurants every time (hidden restaurants especially, down Melbourne’s myriad network of alleyways), sitting at the table for hours with beers, just laughing and talking.
Getting together for the purpose of making conversation and eating good food, rather than for the purpose of dancing to music that ensures you don’t talk to the people you’re with, is a lost art in the Melbourne twenty-something scene. Sad really.
Hmm…. I somewhat agree… I miss just meeting up with friends over coffee or lunch and just talking, reminiscing generally catching up as opposed to meeting up in a club where you’re going to be drowned out by the loud music pumping…
Those sort of meetings are really rare… and for me occurs not that often… which I do agree is sad.
It may be lost everywhere… though I’m not in my twenties yet (though kind of close..), I can somewhat agree… =]
Maggie on August 17 2008 #
I completely understand where you’re coming from- that kind of friendship is such a refreshing change from the usual crap of bitchy girl groups :)
Alexandra on August 17 2008 #
I love going out to dinner with my (female) friends, just to chat, catch up on things and enjoy a good meal in a restaurant of choice. I don’t have to hang out in a club or bar to have a good time. It can be a lot of fun to go clubbing but it isn’t the best place for talking and having a mature conversation.
Chans on August 18 2008 #
I fart, I burp, I swear all the fucking time, I make crude jokes,
Hi. You just described me. lol.
Arwen on August 18 2008 #
That’s why I’m glad all of my close friends are not the bitchy type who get all involved in drama - never, even in middle school and high school when we all met. I always thought it was stupid and so did they. And every time we meet up we eat, watch movies and talk, a lot. So it’s not all that lost! Well at least you know there are a few people who do it, haha.
marilyn on August 18 2008 #
Well, I must be incredibly lucky, because all I ever do with my friends is talk. Seriously. That’s what friends are about. Talking.
(That, and I’m too young to party).
I don’t get along with men/boys. I don’t know why, but seems like men/boys are different here. They like the girly girls that squeak and scream and act stupid. Or maybe I just haven’t met a lot of reasonable boys. They can be incredibly stupid at 16, I believe.
Zala on August 18 2008 #
I can’t stand 99.9% of my female friends. The ones I still have from high school haven’t grown up and the ones I’ve met since then, we don’t really have much in common.
I think that’s why I much prefer to use the internet for contact with females. It’s easier to find women like you. Awesome women.
Nellie on August 18 2008 #
I just realised how creepy and lesbian my comment sounded.
… it was totally intentional though! :P
Nellie on August 18 2008 #
I can’t drink, I don’t fart much, I burp even less because that’s just the way my GIT is; but I’m very much a man’s woman. Men love me, women hate me.
But I’m a lesbian.
Vickie on August 18 2008 #
I know what you mean, Partying and clubbing can get so old so fast (at least for me). I mean, it’s fun but you can only do it so often and for so long.
I have more female than male friends but my best female friends usually don’t have more than a handful of close female friends because they think most girls are too cliquey and too in love with drama and all that high school bullshit. I agree.
I’m also quite notorious for my male sense of humor around my friends.
Felisa on August 18 2008 #
I finally got a group of girlfriends when I went to Uni and I love them, we’re all so different and that’s great.
You sound like you’d be cool to be friends with! I don’t see anything wrong with burping lol
Rosie on August 18 2008 #
Women can get very boring sometimes. And I think it’s way funnier to hang out at a bar/restaurant or a cafe and talk with your friends than a disco. I did the disco thing a lot like 1000 years ago. Now it’s only what I mentioned above the only thing I enjoy…
But yes, I’ve always got along better with boys/men than girls.
Regine on August 18 2008 #
I’m the same way. What bothers me is that females are usually fake when they shouldn’t be and not fake when they should be. As in I’ve heard and know of far too many cases when girls who are “best friends” actually just stab each other in that back. And as in when people who obviously dislike each other can’t work together or just set aside their mutual animosity. Just get over yourself!
And another problem is that the boys my age don’t make great friends either. They’re not very down to earth, they’re just immature!
It’s difficult finding people I get along with, haha.
Shen-Shen on August 19 2008 #
Absolutely agree! I’m exactly the same type of person. As of now though, I can only make best with the people I’m around, and tolerate the handful of somewhat less-girly girls haha. I’m happy for you that you’ve found a group of, like you said, women who are adult and that you get along so well with… and just a tad envious =P I do hope I’ll meet a few more like-minded females in my future.
Jess on August 19 2008 #
Dear God — YES. I pretty much have the same issue: I get along much better with men than with women. The majority of my friends are male; a group of them actually accepted me into their Drinking Team circle and they treat me as one of their own, which says a lot if you know how guys are.
On more than one occasion I’ve had guys tell me that I have a man’s mind, which I guess happened after many years of trying to figure out what makes them tick and then applying it to *them*. The stereotype is that men are easy to figure out, but I think they’re fascinating :D
I guess it’s harder for me to relate to most women because most tend to use the “frienemy” mentality when approaching you.
Robmarie on August 20 2008 #
I was starting to think that recently. I have more female friends/acquaintances online, but offline, I noticed I’m gaining more male friends than female friends. I seem to have more common interests with guys than girls (anime, computers, video/computer games, etc). :/
Noellium on August 20 2008 #