My Children Will Know About Sex
July 1, 2008 | Filed under Body, Family & Friends
A lot of people have issues with child sexuality. There are admittedly social issues of course, with things like paedophilia, of abuse of trust, etc. However, to attempt to stamp out sexuality in children under the age of sixteen, or to wrap it up as “only something that mummies and daddies do” is simply irresponsible parenting. Kids in the Western world these days are exposed to sex and sexuality, no matter where they turn or what kind of lifestyle they lead. It’s up to parents to ensure that what they take from this exposure will guarantee them a healthy view of sex, sexuality, and relationships in life.
Whether it’s the latest chart-topping song by a rapper talking about his “magic stick”, or the Pussycat Dolls gyrating around a pole (their key demographic are tweens!), sex is prevalent in music. Cartoons like The Simpsons which are ostensibly aimed at a child audience (the 6pm air time here in Australia clearly intends it as a program suitable for children) are rife with sexual innuendo. An advertisement for something as seemingly innocuous as Herbal Essences shampoo is done with a woman moaning orgasmically in an airplane toilet. News reports and current affairs shows regularly speak of rape cases, of sexualisation of society, etc. Celebrity idolisation is often complete with such statements as “How to look sexy like Christina!”. You can’t escape it, no matter how much you try to shield your children.
An anonymous Internet survey done in 2005/2006 of the sexual habits of Australian teenagers (see Joan Sauers’s text, “Sex Lives of Australian Teenagers“) showed that close to all the respondents had had some form of sexual contact by the age of eight. Whether it was something as innocent as playing “Doctors and Nurses” at the age of four, or kissing and rubbing against a friend in the privacy of their bedroom, nearly everyone had tried a form of sex. By the age of thirteen, many had gone further. They may have “got” (French-kissing, making out) with someone else, with some even progressing to hand jobs, blow jobs, etc. By the age of fourteen or fifteen, many had had sex for the first time. By the age of sixteen or seventeen, those who had begun having sex had had multiple partners.
So all the statistics above is the reason why before my children turn ten, I’m going to sit them down and explain what sex and sexuality is. If you can’t escape the pervasiveness nature of sex in society, you might as well arm your children with the appropriate knowledge they need to make informed decisions.
I’m going to tell them that masturbation is normal, and that they don’t have to be ashamed about it.
I’m going to tell them that the depiction of women in music videos as ass-shaking big-breasted isn’t true to life, and that one can’t judge women by their appearance only.
I’m going to tell them that the double standard is faulty – that girls can’t be labelled sluts for embracing their sexuality, that boys can’t be labelled losers for not embracing their sexuality.
I’m going to tell them that sex isn’t limited to interaction between men and women, and that sometimes, men might want to have sex with men, and women might want to have sex with women, and a million other combinations as well.
I’m going to tell them that people mature at different rates, and that they should trust themselves and their opinion, that they shouldn’t get caught up in “my friends are doing it, so I should too”.
I’m going to tell them that it’s alright to have different partners, but that the important thing is to always protect yourself and the other person.
I’m going to tell them that sex isn’t a one-person activity, that it’s never okay to take what you need without giving back. Along the same lines, I’m going to tell them that it’s never okay to simply give someone else pleasure without finding pleasure yourself.
I’m going to tell them that it’s never okay to feel as though you have to have sex, that they always have a choice, and that they should never be convinced, or pressured, into sleeping with someone if they don’t want to.
I’m going to tell them that sex should always occur in a safe environment, that one should never put oneself in danger by indulging in it at a house party or similar environment.
I hope that as a result of my honesty with them, they will be encouraged to be honest with me. To not fear coming out, to not fear telling me about nonconsensual sex, to not fear telling me about any issues they may be having. The breaking down of barriers between us will, I hope, result in them leading healthier, more satisfying, and more complete lives. My children will be better adjusted than those who grow up with their parents telling them that sex is necessary for procreation between mummies and daddies, but that other than that, it’s something dirty, something to be ashamed about.
19 Responses to My Children Will Know About Sex
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*applauds*
You go, Amanda. <3
Jordie on July 1, 2008 #
You’re going to make an awesome mother. Seriously.
My parents were like this with me for the most part and although I was a little worried about telling them I was sexually active, it was so much easier telling them than it would have been if they were all ‘SEX IS BAD AND DIRTY!’.
Nellie on July 1, 2008 #
Great entry. I agree with you that we should be honest with our children. Trying to hide and trying to make sex something to be a bad thing is not the way to go . . . since kids will try to seek information out regardless of parent’s protection. That will lead to them finding information in the wrong places . . . I mean what’s better way than to find out about sex and stuff from someone who they trust instead of someone who may take advantage of them X______X;;
I wished my parents would have been opened about it with me. I wished I had a mother who had your attitude, which makes me wish that I was more open about sex and all myself. X_X;; However, being raised in a conservative society is rather limiting. Gragh.
Tara on July 1, 2008 #
*applauds*
Right on. I plan on doing the same.
Catherine on July 1, 2008 #
Good for you! I’d like to do that with my kids, if I ever have kids.
Belinda on July 2, 2008 #
Good plan! Your kids will definitely be better prepared. I wish my parents would have given me a similar talk when I was ten.
Regina on July 2, 2008 #
You’re going to be that mom that other kids say “I wish I had _________’s mom” :D
Lene on July 2, 2008 #
I think this is the right thing to do and I’m going to do the same with my children. It’s better to expose them early YOURSELF instead of them finding out themselves.
Katy on July 2, 2008 #
I absolutely agree. It would be better if they can learn about that kind of stuff from me instead of some ad or something on TV.
Felisa on July 2, 2008 #
Will you adopt me?
Julie on July 2, 2008 #
True that. I think our generation is the generation that’s going to change things though, because we’ve grown up in the age where sex IS everywhere, and where if our parents don’t tell us about sex, someone else will, or we’ll just google it.
Shen-Shen on July 2, 2008 #
I have very conservative views when it comes to sex, but even I disagree with parents who don’t tell their kids about it. Sex is everywhere. Children, young children, need to know about it.
Unless I change, I won’t be okay with my kids having sex while in secondary school, though.
Chantelle on July 2, 2008 #
Yes!! I definitely agree with this — though in this aspect, I have to give kudos to my mom, who made sure I was well-informed on the matter (err… sometimes saying things I would’ve rather not heard, but hey — at least she tried! :P)
Robmarie on July 2, 2008 #
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I wish my parents did this. There all “Catholic” and shit so sex is bad. I’m going with Julie, Will you PLEASE adopt me?
Becca on July 3, 2008 #
My parents are the strict Catholics that believe premature sex will bring you “doom” for the rest of your life. They were never really open with me in general for all of my childhood, and I never really had “the talk”. I just learned from health class/friends/internet exactly what sex is all about.
I’d do the same thing as you would to your children. People can’t hide from sex forever.
Merinn on July 3, 2008 #
You’ll be a wonderful mother next time. Your even better than my mother. XD
Regina on July 4, 2008 #
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m with you all the way, and I plan for the same thing in case I do get children.
I hope you don’t mind if I bitch here about this; this is your blog after all. But I think it is related in a way, and it just came to mind because of this blog entry.
Philippines is one of the two remaining nations who don’t have divorce, a country in which the church practically runs the government, and one that is so predominantly Christian that people actually don’t talk about sex casually else they get excommunicated or something like that. If you were a Filipino, you would be called a disgrace to the country, seriously. That’s how fucked up the PH is when it comes to sex and anything related to it.
Said church is raising hell against law-makers because of the reproductive health bill, which would give access to Filipinos information about family planning and all those stuff. If that certain thing cannot even be understood by these narrow-minded bunch of people, I doubt talking about sex with your own children is moral and legal in their eyes. They might charge with child abuse or something along the lines of corrupting the children’s minds.
Geez. I can’t believe I care enough to bitch about it. My apologies.
Shari on August 6, 2008 #
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