May 4 2008: Personal Massager
Last night I came home at an ungodly hour, stumbled into bed and fell unconscious from fatigue.
Waking up this morning, I slowly realised through my morning-after brain haze, that my bedsheets had been changed sometime in the past thirty hours when I had been out of the house (Wii Party, work, out with a dude person). By a process of elimination, it became painfully obvious that my mother had been the one to change my sheets, as my brother is hopeless at housework, and changing bedsheets is far too girly a task for my manly father to attempt.
I also came to the realisation that my “personal massager” (exaggerated quotation marks are entirely necessary, this is a family-friendly blog!) was no longer under my pillow where it had been left after its last use, and instead, had been replaced in my underwear drawer. It then didn’t take a great leap of imagination to realise that during the process of changing my bedsheets, my mother had most likely come across the aforementioned “personal massager” and was the one to replace it in my underwear drawer.
I’m currently taking bets on how long it is before: a) she says something to me about the sanctity of saving one’s virginity for marriage; b) I’m sent to a brainwashing camp for wayward Asian girls who have strayed from the path of chastity and innocence; c) I’m ordered to join a convent to keep me away from the temptations of white penis.
Jennifer said:
that is why man invented socks and sock drawers, my dear.
on May 4 2008 #
Chantelle said:
To be positive, is it at all a good sign that it ended up in your underwear drawer and not in a rubbish bin?
Reply: Way to be optimistic! I’m more akin to believe that it’s what Aravis said below - that she didn’t know what it was…
on May 4 2008 #
Vera said:
Eep… and double eep.
I remember when my mom found my 3 copies of Playboy (needless to say I never even so much as considered buying another copy) … and she wanted to sit down and talk. I was 18… *shakes head* Good luck with that.
on May 4 2008 #
Chien Yee said:
Eeep O_O
Thank goodness it’s still with you in your room, right? I’m sure typical Azn parents would throw it away~
on May 4 2008 #
marilyn said:
oooh, ouch. If that happened to me I would have had a very loud talk right away. But your mom hasn’t said anything…so is the quiet a good thing? maybe she doesn’t..really..know what it is? I’m being hopeful. Amanda in convent = no more blog entries.
on May 4 2008 #
Jordie said:
Hey, it could be worse.. she could be waving it in your face and demanding to know why you would possess such a filthy unholy object. :P
on May 4 2008 #
Chans said:
OOPS, as far as I know your mother (from what you write here that is) you will probably somehow hear about this discovery.
I can’t believe she even wanted to touch it to put it in your drawer…
on May 4 2008 #
Nikki said:
I would be mortified if this happened to me. When I was still living at home, I kept my “personal massager” in a very secure place. Well, at least more secure than under a pillow :P
on May 4 2008 #
Enzo said:
Maybe she massaged herself too that’s why she didn’t go all Jackie Chan on you. XD
Reply: Die Enzo, die. >.<
on May 4 2008 #
Tracey said:
I bet your mum knows everything and is protecting you from your dad, who will undoubtedly have an insane fit.
Or not?
on May 4 2008 #
April said:
God, don’t you just hate it when your parents riffle through your stuff, find objects you undoubtedly did not wish for them to find and then they keep you in suspense until they finally mention it at the wrongest time EVER!
*deep sigh* I know all about this. Reminds me of the time my mum found my clit stimulator…
on May 4 2008 #
Rachael said:
I hope she didn’t use it before she put it in your sock drawer. :P
Reply: MAY BRIMSTONE RAIN UPON YOU FOR SAYING THAT!
on May 4 2008 #
Maggie said:
Lmao. I am amused!
And I thought that I kind of wouldn’t. =I
Thank you. Blog came at a good time~
But oh dear. This is like the eptimoe of embarrasement depending on your embarrasement-meter..
on May 4 2008 #
Maren said:
Hahah. You lose.
on May 4 2008 #
Aisling said:
Oh, dear. Have fun at virgin boot camp!
on May 4 2008 #
Juice said:
Let’s just hope she didn’t think of it as “the personal massager”. Oh wait, but why would she put it in your underwear drawer in the first place?
Uh. Oh. PHAIL. =P
on May 5 2008 #
Aravis said:
You sure she knows what it’s for? :P
Reply: Not 100%!
on May 5 2008 #
Julie said:
Oh noes. I hope that only a) is going to happen, since, well, it’s just talking and we know it will not result in a New Born Chaste Amanda, which would necessarily drive the world into chaos.
That said, I just remembered that my mom certainly once saw a book of some sexual topic in my bedroom and just placed it inside my bookcase, never mentioning it to me. Considering she is a save-for-marriage Christian, it was quite a relief.
on May 5 2008 #
Robmarie said:
Maybe it was the bed-changing fairy!
I don’t have a “personal massager”, but I live every day expecting to be randomly slapped by my mother and sat down to have “The Talk”. A ticking time-bomb is what my situation is. Oh well — the truth always comes out, one way or another!
on May 5 2008 #
Felisa said:
Are you sure your mom even knows what your err… personal massager is for?
My mom still shamelessly says that her cellphone comes with a vibrator. Haha she has no idea what that word actually means…
on May 5 2008 #
Jamie said:
I agree. Better the drawer than the trash!
on May 6 2008 #
Mish said:
ROFL at Enzo’s comment… this has made my day… thanks hun =P
did she end up saying anything?
Reply: Nothing yet!
on May 9 2008 #
Jingwen » Blog Archive » Bed Battles said:
[...] A larger bed may help. I do personally have a queen size bed…but can you imagine the look on my parental figure’s faces if I were to bring someone to stay overnight? In my bed? Especially if the ‘reconciliation’ happens as often as it does? (Speaking of which, my mother has yet to say a word to me about my personal massager.) [...]
on May 13 2008 #
Tara said:
Oh, oh . . . oh dear. Well, *cough* at least she knows you’re not like asexual or anything.
. . . That reminds me when my dad came to wake me up couple months ago. I had read some yaoi mangas the night before, had them out in the open, and when he was in there, he saw it. He said, “Ooooh mangas.” Through the corner of my eyes, I saw him pick one up, flipped through it, and then I heard him walk away. Walk away silently. X_______X;;
Let’s just say he and I pretend to ignore each other’s, er, hobbies.
on Jun 27 2008 #