Archive for April, 2008
April 28 2008: QOTW: Book By Its Cover
Filed under Men & Q.O.T.W. with 8 Comments
Appearances can be deceiving!
While I should be well-accustomed to this considering that I am the very epitome of a deceiving appearance (really, despite the fact that I look like one, do I act like a nice studious Asian girl?), I do fall into the trap of pigeon-holing everyone I know into a particular role in my life. You’re either a confidante, a drinking and clubbing buddy, a casual partner in bed, a family member, or a random person I met online. Sometimes, you can cross over and be two things at the same time - but only after I’ve known you for a long time…a very long time.
Take a conversation I had today as an example of how very deceiving appearances can be. There’s this guy (please note, this is not where you go “ooo000ooooerrrrr” and wolfwhistle). I’ve known him since we were fourteen, pimply, and going through puberty. Throughout the years starting from our first meeting, we’d been fairly consistent flirt-buddies, with plenty of sexual innuendo and the mutual understanding that eventually, sometime in the future, something was going to happen between the two of us as a culmination of all this pent-up attraction.
Then, a bombshell! This guy, the one I had always painted in my mind as a sexual predator along the same line as myself and my peccadilloes on the basis of the sauciness of our exchanges, confessed that he is actually (wait for it) a virgin. He holds his v-card! He has not yet had his male cherry popped! He is yet to sheath his penis in another! He has only known the pleasure of his right hand! …He’s also marginally more interesting now as I’ve yet to de-virginise someone (and that, I think, should be on everyone’s list of things to do).
Question of the Week: When has your assumption about someone been totally and utterly off base?
April 27 2008: High Beaming
Filed under Life with 7 Comments
Dear Person Driving On The Monash Freeway At 4am With His High Beams On,
You. Are. A. Fucktard. Please remove the anal beads from your butt, and then learn to drive.
You do not follow another car on a 100km/hr freeway so closely that if she was to brake, you’d go right up the arse of her Honda Jazz. Not only is it stupidly dangerous, but as you drive a gas-guzzling, environmentally-unfriendly four-wheel-drive from your dinky suburban home to your 9-to-5 in the city (because you know, you need a four-wheel-drive for that treacherous journey), your lights are right up against the back window of my car, thus RIGHT IN MY REARVIEW MIRROR AND BLINDING ME.
This is 4am in the fucking morning you idiot. That means it is pitch black outside, it means I (and others) are driving home after a big night out, it means that I’m tired, hungry, and thirsty, with foggy car windows, and thus ready to murder anyone who looks at me in the wrong way. So really? You asked for it. Incessant honking didn’t make you turn your high beams off, so I had to switch lanes, slow down, get behind your car, follow you to your house, and firebomb your gas-guzzler as revenge.
From Your Friendly Neighborhood Arsonist.
April 25 2008: Mini Liquor Bar
Filed under Life with 18 Comments
For my 21st birthday last year, a friend got me a collection of miniature alcohol bottles. Some rare, some not so rare, but in her words, this collection was designed to wean me off regarding Jose Cuervo as the only acceptable form of liquor.
The above picture includes:
- Jim Beam Bourbon
- Johnnie Walker, Red Label Scotch
- Bailey’s Caramel Irish Cream
- De Kuyper Creme De Cacao
- San Marzano Borschi
- Amaro Montenegro
- Vecchia Romagna Brandy
I am now seriously considering downing the whole lot tonight. At the same time, I’m hesitant to because once I drink it, it’s gone…and I’ll still be where I am now, if only that slightest bit more intoxicated and regretful in the morning. Someone slap me and make me see sense.