And I Thought I Was Dirty

April 18, 2008 | Filed under Body

After picking up a copy of “The Contemporary Dictionary of Sexual Euphemisms” from my university library (don’t give me that look, you would have borrowed it too!), I’m almost ready to revise the idea of my own dirtiness, as some of the acts described in this compendium actually makes me a little nauseous.

Some prime examples:

  1. Blind Houdini: when doggystyling, the male spits on the back of the female, as though he has just ejaculated. When the female turns around, the male then properly ejaculates in her eyes, rendering her temporarily blind.
  2. Brown Mushroom: removing the penis from the anus, and using it to mark the forehead of the recipient with their own faeces
  3. Cleveland Steamer: defecating on the chest of the other party, sitting on the faeces and rocking back and forth to rub it in
  4. Dirty Sanchez: spreading faeces on the upper lip of the recipient, in the shape of a curled moustache
  5. Pillsbury Doughboy: cunnilingus during a yeast infection

There are a multitude more of course, but those listed above? Yeah, those are the cream of the crop. You might feel that much more sullied after reading this entry…but at least you’ve learnt something new today!

23 Responses to And I Thought I Was Dirty

  1. You know… in the last couple of years I’ve read a truckload of fanfics which made me accept a lot of stuff I wouldn’t normally… but ugh 2,3 and 4 are seriously making me sick.

    Vera on April 18, 2008 #

  2. 2 – 4 is yuck! Ewwww
    *has bad mental image*

    Chien Yee on April 18, 2008 #

  3. Well I guess this is all I need to learn today :P, I go to throw up now.

    I kinda prefer sex little cleaner :)

    Hanna on April 18, 2008 #

  4. The first and fifth aren’t too bad – mostly because the other three involve poop. Poop and sex = no thank you.

    Lil on April 18, 2008 #

  5. I agree with Lil. It’s not gross unless there’s poop involved :P

    Nellie on April 18, 2008 #

  6. I don’t understand why some people relate faeces with sex. It doesn’t have anything to do with it!

    You can tell I’m narrow-minded and that other people might find it incredible exciting. But no thanks…I’ve always thought sex should be something nice, not smelly and disgusting. There’s a reason why our faeces go down the toilet when they leave our bodies! Cause we don’t need them.

    I can’t imagine the amount of bacteries being spread while doing a nr 3. Hygienic much?

    Regine on April 18, 2008 #

  7. Wow some people like some nasty stuff lol *shudders*

    Emma on April 18, 2008 #

  8. Eww poop!!! *gags*

    The other two are pretty bad, but poop out grosses them all.

    Aisling on April 19, 2008 #

  9. I think the names are quite genious [Pillsbury Doughboy, especially!] ,even tho it’s quite.. nasty otherwise.

    Anna-Erica on April 19, 2008 #

  10. OMG. Poop does not belong in the bedroom. My SO would get kicked out of the house if he tried any of that. It’d be the doghouse for him.

    Erin on April 19, 2008 #

  11. ZOMFG at 2, 3, 4 and nothing else will pwn number 5. Wow, I can’t imagine people are actually able to perform these kind of things. Eeek.

    Juice on April 19, 2008 #

  12. Gross, but at some weird level also hilarious. It seems very comic-book like to me. However, if someone were to do something like that in real life…It would be totally gruesome.

    Morgan on April 19, 2008 #

  13. EWWWW! >.<

    I’ve heard of 2 and 5 but they all are equally gag worthy. *shivers*

    Kiera on April 19, 2008 #

  14. I think you’ll be glad to know that I turned my imagination and my ability to visualize things OFF while I read this entry. :D I’ve only heard of #4 before… so I did learn something new, I guess.

    Meg on April 19, 2008 #

  15. #1: “SURPRISE!!”
    - y0 I would be SO pissed off if someone decided to pull a Blind Houdini on me — especially since that shit STINGS~!

    #3 always reminds me of a Family Guy episode where Peter dressed up as a prostitute and decided to work the streets. When his wife picks him up he offers her a Cleveland Steamer. :P

    #5 is just plain old disgusting.

    Robmarie on April 19, 2008 #

  16. … Omg, wow. I don’t know what to say. XP

    Kya on April 19, 2008 #

  17. Ew, ew, ew! That’s just nasty!

    Yara on April 19, 2008 #

  18. That is SICK!!! Can someone hand me a bucket? *someone hands me one* Thanks.

    Enzo on April 19, 2008 #

  19. hahaha. I live near Mexico, and we always have a lot of fun with “Dirty Sanchez” jokes.

    Jennifer on April 20, 2008 #

  20. How about the Angry Pirate? Ejaculate in the recipients eye and kick him/her in the shin, causing the person to cover one eye and hold one leg in the air. It would be preferable that the person says “aargh” as well.

    Josh on April 20, 2008 #

  21. Brown mushroom? What the heck?

    And dirty sanchez? Geez… people get off with that kind of stuff?

    Felisa on April 20, 2008 #

  22. wow, and i thought that the “pop-up kamasutra” was the most ingenious book ever.

    i now stand corrected.

    james on April 21, 2008 #

  23. I have no idea why this amuses me, but it does. :P Also, LOL at the “angry pirate” :P

    Jordie on April 21, 2008 #

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