Artificial Parenting
April 13, 2008 | Filed under Family & Friends
I cry every time I read the classified advertisements in Melbourne’s Child, a free newspaper distributed monthly in the Melbourne metropolitan area. We get a bundle delivered to the maternity store each month to hand out to expectant mothers, but I always keep one aside for myself to read.
While I’m obviously not an expectant mother (or in fact, a mother at all), I always find it fascinating to read the parenting theories and methods that are extolled in this newspaper, as well as the first-hand accounts of parenting that often feature. Of course, once one actually gives birth, these theories and methods will be promptly dumped by the kerbside as one copes with thrice-nightly feeds and incessant infant wailing, but for the time being, they’re fascinating to read.
I digress. My point is, I cry every time I read the classifieds as there’s always numerous advertisements from couples desperately seeking the chance to have their own child. They ask for egg donors, for surrogacy. They ask for a chance that their own malfunctioning ovaries and testicles don’t give.
It makes me cry, because though their yearning need for a child screams out from the black ink of the newspaper, they’re stuck in a rut of believing that only a child incubated in front of their eyes is ‘their’ child. They conveniently ignore the fact that at any one point, there are millions of children in Third World orphanages, or that even within Australia alone, there’s thousands of children in adoptive or foster care.
I’ve never supported scientific pregnancy methods for this reason – IVF, sperm banks, etc. Why create another life in an already overpopulated planet when there’s millions of other children around the world just crying out for a chance at a better life?
Parenting isn’t about watching your uterus grow, and going through childbirth. The bond between parent and child comes through tucking them into bed at night, through shopping for their uniform for their first day of school, through kissing their scraped knees better, through giving the bees and birds talk for the first time, through waiting up for them when they go out at night as teenagers. No amount of shared DNA can surpass these activities.
Please, potential parents. If you can’t conceive through natural means, don’t turn immediately to artificial means. Spare a thought for those who really need your help, and shower your abundance of parental love on one less fortunate. Do a Brangelina.
11 Responses to Artificial Parenting
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I agree with you! Actually, I have no intention of going through pregnancy myself, but I do want children one day, and I’ve always thought that I should adopt, for the exact same reasons you’ve just outlined. I don’t need to give birth to my own child to be a parent, and I won’t, because I don’t think pregnancy and childbirth would play well with my syndrome…
Jessica on April 13, 2008 #
Agreed. It’s like they go through these methods to create “their” child, as if it’s some sort of property they will “own”. But at the same time, it’s incredibly difficult for people to adopt a child. I was watching 60 mins (?) where some women were going to the sperm bank to have a baby. For them, it would be impossible to adopt (unless you’re Madonna I suppose) as they would never fit the criteria.
kat on April 13, 2008 #
I completely agree with this. We read an essay in my English class about artificial parenting, and all the while, I was wondering why people didn’t just adopt.
Kycoo on April 13, 2008 #
I’d just like to point out that adopting within your country has its risks. A lot of the kids given up are those from parents who are poor and incapable possibly because they are drunks, drug addicts etc. This is not always the case of course, but when adopting a child you might not be made aware of these things. These parents probably want a healthy baby, and want to know where it came from etc. And through this they can monitor the baby as it develops.
Just a thought.
Reply: “when adopting a child you might not be made aware of these things”
It is a legal obligation to provide all the information one has on the child in question, to prospective parents. This is a health issue if nothing else – background medical information is required for the health of the child in future.
And I fail to see your point – that people only want healthy children? In that case, they shouldn’t be using artificial methods to have children, as the chances of giving birth to children with health issues is something like twice as high with IVF treatment – not to mention the mother being at a greater health risk if she undergoes such a treatment. Your argument is invalid.
Kat on April 13, 2008 #
A lot of people in my family have adopted children, so I’ve grown up with the aspiration of adopting a child–I still feel this way. Nonetheless, I know that I would be sad, heartbroken, if I discovered that I couldn’t give birth to a child of my own… It’s not the most logical of feelings, because I know that I wouldn’t treat the children any differently. But along with experiencing the absolute joy that comes with adopting a child, I also want to experience the joys and pains of pregnancy… And because it’s something that so many mothers go through, I think that it’s understandable for someone to feel upset if she can’t experience it for herself, especially when girls grow up with baby dolls and such…
Chantelle on April 13, 2008 #
I think it’s admirable that you feel that way, but I’m sure many people must be utterly devastated when they can’t have a child of “their own”. And whilst I obviously can’t empathise with that, I understand — I certainly don’t think IVF or other treatments should be stopped.
And I’m not entirely sure I agree with doing a Madonna and adopting children from all over the world either — taking them away from their family, etcetera. Surely we should get to root of the other problem (in that case, poverty) as well?
Essentially I agree with you. I just don’t think anybody should be looked down upon for their decision to not want to adopt — it isn’t easy, at all.
Amber on April 13, 2008 #
There is something to say for both IVF and adopting. I can totally understand that people want a child with their own genetics something that is 100% ‘theirs’ if you know what I mean.
But I also see your point in adopting and I think that’s also a very good way to go, just don’t forget that it’s very very difficult to adopt. Maybe even harder than through IVF. There are a lot of things you have to do or be before you can even consider adopting a child. Tests to go through etc.
I always say ‘any idiot can have a child through normal (or IVF) ways but you have to be perfect to adopt’ which to me doesn’t make sense at all. There are so many abused children in this world, and if only their parents were put through a test before they got down to it a whole lot of trauma would be avoided.
So there is something to say for both, although the one is an ‘easier’ option than the other and I don’t think you can judge or make a decision unless you are in a situation like that.
Chans on April 13, 2008 #
Maybe there’s a stigma attached to adopted children because the media (and crime dramas) just LOVE stories about runaway adopted kids looking for their biological parents. Couple may want to avoid complications like that. But yes, I agree with you that the sperm banks are doing us no good while there are millions of kids out there starving.
Crystal on April 14, 2008 #
I agree with you, in general; if I found out I couldn’t have kids, I would probably turn to adoption, but at the same time, I can see why some mothers would want a child that is completely their own — as in their own flesh and blood. This is a huge, huge generalization, but it seems as if a lot of adopted children (a higher percentage than children who aren’t adopted, at least?) just aren’t ever that close to their parents.
Meg on April 14, 2008 #
I personally want to have children on my own and I want to adopt at least one child (if I can afford it in the future) and I want to treat that child as if he/she were my own.
I understand what you mean but I do think that giving birth to your own child is an experience that a lot of women do not want to miss out on. I don’t want to get to scientific but psychology shows that a lot of our behaviors are motivated by an inborn instinct to want to reproduce our genes. Maybe that’s what drives people to want to have children on their own even though parenting isn’t just about going through being pregnant and then giving birth.
Felisa on April 14, 2008 #
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