April 5 2008: Date Me On RSVP
Filed under Online & Relationships/Men
Four or five days ago, I joined an Australia-based online dating site. Me. Commitment phobe on a dating site. I don’t think there’s anything more oxymoronic than that.
In my own defense however, I joined as a result of a half-assed competition/dare/thing with Xuan. Whoever received the most contacts from others on the site within a week would win. With almost sixty “kisses” and emails from men (and women!) in Melbourne in the past five days, as well as having my profile “favourited” by sixteen people, I’d like to suggest that I win the bet.
Of course, this attention from so many people may have something to do with the tagline to my profile (“My breasts are twice the size of your ex-girlfriend’s!”). It is somewhat provocative, and as a result, somewhat problematic. You see, once you mention anything to do with sex and physiognomy on a dating site, all the perverts come out to play and salivate. I’ve had emails from people along the lines of:
- HAI I LIKE SEXY ASIAN GIRL WITH BIG BOOBS. LET’S HAVE SEX!
- I may be 55, but I can still rock your socks off!
Yeah, no thanks. Doubtless, I would have been more receptive to these offers if they’d been from younger, more physically attractive male specimens who could actually spell and write coherently, but unfortunately for the above members, they’re not of that genre of man.
So, what exactly am I looking for on this dating site? I personally don’t know what it is I want (a serious relationship definitely isn’t on my list of things to do in the near future), though when I check out the profiles of whoever has emailed me, I usually go through a mental checklist, along the lines of:
- Physical attractiveness. They have to be at least 70% chocolate-sauce-smearable.
- Age. I don’t want to be called an age-ist, but the truth of the matter is that at my stage of life, I’d have very little in common with those thirty and over. We would want different things out of life, and when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, we simply wouldn’t have anything to talk about.
- Expression. If you can’t express yourself captivatingly in a written profile where you’ve had the chance to take time and think about what you’re writing, then what are the chances that you keep me interested in “real life”? Pretty fucking low I’d say.
- Spelling and Grammar. Along the same lines, as the above requirement, if your grasp of English isn’t good enough to result in you typing “your” instead of “you’re”, etc, then we’re obviously not going to get along very well. I’d be correcting you all the time, and that would just get tedious.
- A Sense of Adventure. I honestly don’t care if you enjoy fine wines and gourmet cheeses, long walks on the beach, etc. I enjoy them as well, but more important is the willingness to throw yourself into strange and dangerous situations. If you’ve been skydiving, bungee jumping, trekking in the Himalayas, backpacked around the world, etc, then at least I know that in future, you’d support, and perhaps even join in on, my desire to travel widely and throw my life at risk.
- That Elusive X-Factor. A quirky sense of humour, some referencing of Monty Python, and I’m yours for life. A lack of cliches in your profile also plays into this – don’t, for instance, say that you’re “a genuine guy looking for a genuine girl for commitment”. That’s just boring.
If you manage to fulfill those criteria, chances are I’d respond with something other than the formulaic reply: “eclectic62442 is flattered, but does not wish to correspond any further and wishes you well in your search”. After that slight encouragement, the ball’s in your court – do your best to encourage and excite my interest.
With that said, the new contact I’ve made in the past few days which shows the most promise, was initiated not within RSVP itself, but rather through MSN. It’s actually somewhat stalker-esque: he Googled my username on RSVP, found my LiveJournal, found my site (so he might be reading this right now!), then found my MSN address off that. Such effort…it’s quite impressive, and very flattering.
12 Responses to “Date Me On RSVP”
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I like Asians with big boobs too! OMGZ!
Nellie on April 5 2008 #
I like Azns with big boobs too! Oh what, I’m kinda big boobed too :P
Chien Yee on April 5 2008 #
IS IT THAT SARDONIC GUY? IS IT?
Let it be known that I am a lazy twat and did not proceed to finish setting up my RSVP profile (and hey, who cares that I’m not of a legal age to join it anyway?). And it’s not like I’d get hits anyway, an overwhelmingly large percentage of the male population on there prefer holes, not poles… therefore Amanda won by default, and would win anyway if it were not by default.
So boo to that.
However. Good luck with the RSVP thing. You have to update me consistently over the next X amount of months so that I can live vicariously through you and determine the precise value of your b00biez.
Xuan on April 5 2008 #
This reminds me of a Harry Potter fanfiction I once read. :(
Amber on April 5 2008 #
hahahaa, I gotta say, that tag-line is attention-grabbing!
Amanda on April 6 2008 #
Lawl. Good luck finding a guy that meets all your criteria on a dating site. They’re rare. Rareeeeeee.
Rilla on April 6 2008 #
AzNs wit big b00bs r HAWT! LOL.
But yeah, if there is one thing that totally turns me off about a guy, is one who is uneducated and can’t even speak/write properly. Ugh.
Katy on April 6 2008 #
Haha I’m impressed. 52 kisses? Ah if only I got that in a week. Hahah “Let’s have sex!” – don’t be rude Amanda. Let him have his beasty way with you. It’s only fair.
Paddy on April 6 2008 #
LOL. I love your tagline!
But yeah, I know what you mean about not really being age-ist but when you’re young, you can’t be with a guy who’s so much older that he’s really to get tied down.
Anyway, good luck with your search for a young, chocolate-sauce-smearable, expressive, well-spoken, adventurous, quirky guy!
Felisa on April 6 2008 #
haha, that actually sounds fun though. Stalker-esque…but we all do it :P. 52 kisses and 16 favorites is super impressive!
marilyn on April 6 2008 #
Blimey, 52…
Jordie on April 8 2008 #
[...] account of my experiences there (and the reasons for joining in the first place!) were laid out in this entry, so in order to better understand the rest of this particular entry, it may be worth reading that [...]
Jingwen » Blog Archive » RSVP: A Follow Up on May 18 2008 #