Self-Confidence
February 6, 2008 | Filed under Life
In my mind, there is nothing more beautiful and awe-inspiring in a person than sheer self-confidence. They could be tall, short, skinny, fat, ugly, beautiful, but when they walk down the street and you catch a glimpse of their purposeful walk, of the way they catch people’s eyes, of the smile on their face, you’re enthralled. You’re drawn into the circle of confidence surrounding them, and for a short moment, you might walk with your shoulders back and head held high, pride etched over your features.
Think of your friends and acquaintances. Don’t you enjoy spending time with those who are secure in themselves, who are happy with who they are and what they’re doing in life? Isn’t spending time with these people infinitely more preferable to those who complain about themselves and their lives, yet do nothing to change their habits? As people, we seek the light and humourous, rather than the boring and dull. The former inspires us to become better people by the sheer force of their self-will, the latter only drag us down to their depths and make us dull and uncompaniable people.
For the reasons above, I’m quite often short with, look down upon, and virtually ignore, those who have poor self-esteem. In my mind, there’s absolutely no reason as to why anyone should suffer from an inferiority complex so extreme that they have to continually seek assurance from others that no, they’re not a loser. This assurance can only have true value if you believe it and say it to yourself – any amount of assurance from others will do jack shit.
Readers, you have a choice. Be the best, most confident person you can be, and stand in front of the mirror every day and say “I am a beautiful intelligent person with a fabulous and sparkling personality”. Or you can be drawn into the whinging web of those with low self-esteem, until you lose all memory of the individual you once were, and become nothing more than a booster of other people’s self-esteem, reduced to a single line entity of “No you’re a fabulous person, don’t worry about it, everyone loves you”.
23 Responses to Self-Confidence
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This wouldn’t be directed at one person in particular would it? :P
I do, of course, agree…
Jordie on February 6, 2008 #
I have a friend who is amazingly beautiful and for the most part, a wonderful person. But she constantly whinges about how she’s not able to get a boyfriend because she’s soooo ugly or soooo fat or a huuuuge bitch etc. She doesn’t realise that it’s probably her complaining about herself constantly that drives guys away.
I actually have a funny story regarding her:
She was in a bad mood one night and she said something along the lines of this to me:
Why are you able to get a boyfriend when you’re fat, don’t take care of your appearance and boring?
Even after explaining to her that it’s because I don’t go on about being fat, disinterested in looking my best and having mundane interests, she continued to complain about how no one could ever love her etc.
I’ve stopped paying her compliments now because I know they’ll do nothing to help her in the long run. She just needs to stop worrying about things and just go with the flow, methinks.
Nellie on February 6, 2008 #
I never act in an annoying fashion towards my peers by putting myself in situations where I constantly put myself down. I try to avoid fishing for compliments and showing off. Also, if I want something bad enough, I’ll put on a show of self-confidence.
But, honestly, I am not someone who can look in the mirror and say, “I am a beautiful intelligent person with a fabulous and sparkling personality.” I can manage an, “I can be cute. I’m not stupid. I try to be nice.” though. And that’s basically the best I can do with sincerity.
I’ve always had a ridiculously hard time seeing my own merits. Instead of learning to see them as others do, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut. Yep. But, I’ve also learned that my views may be skewed. If I get crazy about something, I can stop and ask myself if I’m being reasonable or retarded. But even then, I don’t have the ability to find “reasonable.” I can only think, “Well, maybe I’m being retarded.” I never really know. That part of my brain just doesn’t work.
So while I think it’s great to tell be to be confident & such, for some it’s not something that they can just snap into.
Chantelle on February 6, 2008 #
I agree. It’s great to see people who are full of self-confidence, but not to the extent that they become so egotistical that they think they’re god’s gift to the earth. People are good – they’re not *that* good.
I don’t, however, avoid people with low self-esteem. I look past that and see the good person that they really are. Abandoning someone when they need a friend is pathetic, and abandoning a friend because you don’t want to be around their issues is even more pathetic.
I could stand in front of the mirror and say “I am a beautiful intelligent person with a fabulous and sparkling personality”, but that’d be lying. I tend to think of myself as more of an ‘average’ person. Sure, it’d be nice to be a beautiful intelligent person with a fabulous and sparkling personality, but equally, I know I’m not an ugly retarded person. I’m… average. lol.
Rachael on February 6, 2008 #
Being egotistical does wonders for the self esteem in regulated doses. If you don’t love yourself to some degree, then how can you fully accept yourself?
Lil on February 6, 2008 #
You are absolutely right. I for one, cannot stand people who are always complaining about the way they look (omg, I’m so ugly / fat / boring!). Sure, at times we all suffer from a low self-esteem, one day we feel more confident of ourselves than other days, but that is not a reason to whine about it all the time. Nobody likes people who do nothing but complaining.
I prefer the company of cheerful, confident, strong people. Sure they also have their ups and downs but at least they don’t have them all the time. :)
Morgan on February 6, 2008 #
I can’t stand being in the company of people with low self-esteem, however when I am, I always try to make an effort. It’s awesome seeing people come out of their shell especially when you’ve helped!
And as great as confident people are, there is nothing worse than someone who is OVERconfident. By golly gosh does that give me the heeby jeebies.
Paddy on February 6, 2008 #
I admire people with confidence, and I do know I need some… a lot. But I never complain about the way I look to people other than my sister, but I also hear the complaining from her too, so it’s okay. Talking to my sister is like talking to myself.
Honestly, I think there’s more than just looking in the mirror and feeling ugly… for me, I’ve always lacked confidence, I kind of grew up in an environment where neither my parents or siblings had any so it’s not easy to tell myself that I am amazing… but I do try. It’s hard to break a habit that’s become almost second nature.
Rafia on February 7, 2008 #
For some reason, most of my friends are on either edges of the spectrum, either completely insecure or annoyingly egotistical. Personally I’m well aware that I’m not that pretty, but I’ve never actually said that to anyone (not even family, bf etc). I would occasionally remark that a photo or something didn’t turn out well.
I think the more you say something, the more you reinforce it. They taught us that at McDonald’s lol… to never repeat what a customer says when it’s negative, because it emphasizes it.
Oh and I heard about one company where they make employees say “I am Beautiful” 100 times before coming to work, pretty positive results.
Crystal on February 7, 2008 #
Don’t you ever wonder if people with low confidence sometimes are HAPPY that way? I’m sure you’ve met this kind of person before. When everything has been going good for them for a while they some how sabotage themselves just to make things horrible again. I don’t preach having a high self esteem anymore. I think the world needs a mix of people. Now this is talking in the general sense. Put someone in front of me who is having serious issues at home, and then I’ll be singing a different tune.
Kimmie on February 7, 2008 #
Oh yes, I know someone who’s always whining and has low self-esteem. She has asked me for help at times, but when I say something and the person just doesn’t do it (I’ve said it a bunch of times but nothing changed in the others person life) then I also can’t help.
It’s sad and frustrating, I really wish that person would love herself :/
Tracy on February 7, 2008 #
Good on you for this post.
Kristina on February 7, 2008 #
I’m very self critical and suffer from very low self esteem but I hope nobody else knows about that! And, I don’t care what my parents say, I have a great sense of humour and am very fun to be around! Everybody but them agrees.
People who need constant reassurance annoy me though (I’m one of those: “jog on, deal with it” type of people). I feel like they’re fishing for compliments in the end and just ignore them. No amount of complimenting is ever going to change the way that they think about themselves.
Amber on February 7, 2008 #
“I’m quite often short with, look down upon, and virtually ignore, those who have poor self-esteem”
Oh me too!
Unfortunately, the majority of my friends are people with insanely low self esteem -_-; It’s annoying when I’m trying to have a good time with them and out of nowhere they start going on about how ugly they are or stupid or how they can’t get a boyfriend because they’re fat and ugly (but I can’t get a boyfriend either, and they all think I’m thin and pretty, so obviously, that’s not why they can’t get a boyfriend.)
I used to try to tell them “oh no you’re not” when they said something negative about themselves (although I honestly believed it when I told them they weren’t something, rather than just saying it to make them feel better), but now I usually just don’t respond when they complain about themselves. (Especially since, as Amber said, they just ignore any compliments)
I used to have low self esteem and I was able to get over it and love myself, and I wish more people were able to do that as well (most people are too lazy to put any effort into it though).
Annie on February 7, 2008 #
I agree. The best accessory is a great confidence. It’s so rare nowadays… which is probably why people are so awed by it.
Sarai on February 7, 2008 #
I agree, it’s much easier to be around more confident people. Even though I’m not always 100% confident in myself, I tend to act like I am :P
Kaylee on February 7, 2008 #
Mm, I think that’s sort of insensitive to the catch-22 of low confidence; you can’t tell yourself you’re amazing until you are actually amazing and you can’t be amazing until you think you’re capable of being amazing.
gem on February 7, 2008 #
I could not agree more! How can anyone receive reassurance and reverence from others when they don’t have it in themselves to hold their head up high? If you don’t think highly of yourself, why should anyone else consider you worthy of their time, patience, and worth?
Ramsha on February 7, 2008 #
I generally do like people who are secure about themselves, but get too many of them together in one room, and the atmosphere gets really awkward. Of course, it’s much worse to be with a ton of people who are incredibly insecure about themselves.
Kycoo on February 7, 2008 #
“…and become nothing more than a booster of other people’s self-esteem, reduced to a single line entity of ‘No you’re a fabulous person, don’t worry about it, everyone loves you’.”
I would think if people were boosted by your compliments, then your own self-confidence would go up, because then you would think “That person is feeling better because of me. I guess I’m not such a bad person after all.” Of course, I guess it would depend on the person and the situation. :/
And I’m one of those who could go with being an average person and still be happy. ^_^; While I know I have no mental issues, I’m pretty shy offline (and online, sometimes), and because of that, I have trouble addressing people (who I don’t know very well) offline by their names. And I can’t strike up a conversation with people while on the bus, or while waiting for a class to start. And I would say my intelligence level is kind of average. But I’m okay with all of that, because that’s how I am.
I guess if you can’t see yourself as a “beautiful intelligent person with a fabulous and sparkling personality”, then you should at least be comfortable with who you are. :)
Noellium on February 7, 2008 #
I’m not the most confident person in the universe, I have my insecurities, however I don’t have to be told anything to make me believe in myself either. I don’t need people telling “But no, Kiera, you are beautiful and smart, and blah, blah, blah”. I *know* this already, I believe this. So when I’m down, I’m not out, and I will be back up again with more confidence than ever. And yeah….the end. =]
Kiera on February 7, 2008 #
I have to disagree on this one. In a world full of arrogant and ignorant people, a little humility is mighty refreshing.
Kat on February 8, 2008 #
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