December 5 2007: How To Be A Manipulative Ho
Filed under Relationships/Men
The true title of this entry should be “How To Be A Manipulative Ho And Make A Guy Who Never Called Back Regret His Actions”…but that’s a tad too long to fit comfortably onto the one line. Thus, the shortening.
Keep in mind though, that the basics of this method remain consistent and can be used across all situations, as long as it involves making another person insecure and unsure. It’s not simply restricted to petty acts of “ha ha, look what you’re missing out on”, but for the purposes of demonstrating the method, that’s what this entry will be focusing on.
The situation: a girl with multiple ongoing flings. A guy who received the benefits of one night with the girl, who pleaded for an ongoing fling at the end of that night. A girl who thought, “Well, what’s the addition of one more to the harem?”. A guy who hasn’t called in two weeks to follow up on the agreement. A girl who’s indignant that she hasn’t been called – not necessarily because she was looking forward to the follow-up, but simply because by not being called, the power in the relationship has been wrestled out of her control.
The revenge: a girl with fast fingers and a mobile phone that can’t keep up with her finger dexterity. A girl who sends a suggestive SMS to the guy, supposedly meant for another. A girl who then ignores all five calls from the guy in the time immediately following the SMS, then leisurely sends another saying “Whoops, wrong person”.
The result: a girl back in control, a guy paranoid that he missed out on the second best (the first night is always best) night of his life.
Confused? The key lies in the first suggestive SMS. It’s imperative that a first name is used in the text – something similar enough to the name of the recipient (at least when ordered by name in a phone contact list) to create the confusion of “is this meant for me, or someone with a similar name?”. For instance, if the recipient’s name is “Tim”, then the name in the message should be “Tom”. If the recipient’s name is “Katie”, then you send a message to “Katherine”.
The tone of the message is important as well. You musn’t sound too desperate, and more importantly, you musn’t seem too obviously “Look what you’re missing out on!”. The tone should be light, breezy, chatty. The dreaded SMS shorthand actually comes in handy in these instances, as it doesn’t look as though you spent a long time toiling over the wording. You simply dashed it off in half a minute, and sent it without double-checking that you got the recipient right.
At this point…just sit back and relax. Watch as the increasingly desperate phone calls start coming in from the guy who made the mistake of not calling. Gloat and luxuriate in the knowledge that you are, once again, in control. (And just for good measure, give one of your other flings a call and enjoy yourself!).
12 Responses to “How To Be A Manipulative Ho”
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What if the guy is also into heavy flirting? He migt also be aware of this “technique”…
But it’s hilarious nonetheless XD
Reply: I’m counting on most males being somewhat oblivious to actual ‘techniques’. :P Most I meet go for the direct approach.
Vera on December 5 2007 #
Or what if it doesn’t work because he just doesn’t care. One might even feel ‘worse’ then before.
But it’s still funny :P
Reply: If the first night went correctly…they always care. :P
Chans on December 5 2007 #
Oh dear bloody God I love you. This is seriously funny stuff, Manduh. Another potential situation: what if the guy is just completely oblivious to this technique?
So! R u actuli gettn ne kwikies b4 u head up 2 syd? Lulz.
Xuan on December 5 2007 #
Haha, classic. I love the revenge “whoops wrong person”! Serves him right for not calling in ages
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Bobbi-lee on December 5 2007 #
Oooh.. Mean :P I like it! XD
Emsz on December 5 2007 #
Brilliant. Just brilliant.
Susie on December 5 2007 #
Is that guy one of those whom you met at your bday party??? Just curious.. ;)
Regina on December 6 2007 #
First of all, thanks for spelling ho correctly. There are personal reasons why I am often pissed when people misspell it as hoe, but I won’t go into that.
I find this post to be bizarre, but an interesting way of shifting the focus from the typical “I, me, my” blog perspective to something more (you)niversal.
Asia on December 6 2007 #
Deliciously evil. Mm!
Also, I think somebody should tell you that your search function doesn’t work properly (the form action is wrong, I think). If you want to know how I discovered this (and I’m sure you do), it’s because Seth didn’t believe me when I said you blog about anal sex and he kept getting 404s when he tried to find teh secks and probably thought I was a liar. I don’t like being a liar, so fix plskthxbai!
Reply: Can’t fix at the moment (catching a train to Sydney soon!), but just for you: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. All have some reference to anal sex in it. :P
Leila on December 6 2007 #
Lol, you’re ingenious. I can’t imagine myself ever doing that, though :P
Kaylee on December 6 2007 #
The part about the name confusion is particularly intriguing. :)
It would really suck if someone tried this on a guy who reads your blog.
Kycoo on December 6 2007 #
Don’t any of these men know going in that you’re sleeping with a vertible busload of others? If so, why would a reminder of this be peturbing?
If not, this kind of turns into an exercise in shooting defenceless barral-fish, doesn’t it? I mean, how little ingenuity is required to make a guy uncomfortable, when he is so desperately naive as to think a woman he very easily bedded (or bathroomed, setting isn’t important) isn’t easily bedded by others?
I’m just having difficulty wrapping my head around why this is supposed to be distressing for the guy in question.
Also, did you find out if the phonecalls were a desperate ‘plz me instead!’ attempt, or just an attempt to disambiguate your mysterious first SMS? I mean, you said you ‘ignored’ them, after all.
Tim on December 10 2007 #