The Past Brings Uncertainty
November 2, 2007 | Filed under Asian-ness, Online, Politics
Since joining Facebook, I’ve found a lot of people from my past who I never thought I’d see, or hear from again. Elementary school friends mainly, and we’ve really created a community of sorts – out of the sixty or so who graduated from elementary school in the same year as me, I’ve got approximately thirty of them friended.
It could have been thirty-one. There’s one girl with a profile on Facebook, one who I’d mentioned on a blog entry back when I was on Obsidian Rhapsody, who I’ve steadily refused to friend/acknowledge. An excerpt:
…a group of the cool kids came up to her. She was thrilled to think that they would deign to speak to her, a mere nobody.
One of the girls said to her, “Amanda, is your middle name Ching?”
Thinking this was a strange question, she answered with some bewilderment, “No”…
The popular girl then replied, “Oh, that’s a pity, because then we could have called you “Ching Chong China!”
Laughing to themselves, the popular girls then walked away. Amanda was left standing by herself in the playground, not quite knowing what had happened, but somehow knowing that she had been teased because she didn’t look like everyone else…she didn’t have blonde hair and blue eyes.
I’ve ignored her presence on Facebook for a long time now, refusing to friend her. Yet, I have no idea what I would do if she was to take the initiative and friend me – do I forget the past, let bygones by bygones, and accept her request? Or do I assume that she’s still the same racist bitch she was back then and ignore the request?
It may seem to be an extreme stance to take, considering the incident may not have seemed like much in itself, but it was the first of a long string of racist attacks I’ve had here in Australia, despite being more Australian than most Australians. By being the first, it was the most psychologically scarring – I was too young to really understand what happened, and it created a seed of doubt about my nationality and rights in Australia that lasted many years.
I’m torn, I really am.
17 Responses to The Past Brings Uncertainty
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I wouldn’t bother “friending” her. What would happen after you do friend her? Become best buds and poke each other the whole time? Or have her continue to be racist because, omg, you don’t look like a “native” Australian?
If I were in your position, I’d just ignore her. I have one girl like that from my past (not racist, but still cruel) and if she came up to me on the street, I’d just blank her.
You’re way better than this girl will ever be, so try to put it behing you and move on. You’re wonderful just the way you are and you don’t need to have this girl on your friend list.
Rachael on November 2, 2007 #
I say that if she friends you, you friend her back. If she doesn’t then it really doesn’t matter.
And if she starts saying shit to you report her and have her banned from facebook :D
Noemi on November 2, 2007 #
If she takes the initiative… try to have a few more talks with her. See how she acts now, and decide later.
It’s not like you have to immediately accept or reject a friending requests, right? I never used Facebook, but I’m thinking you can claim that you’re busy or something…
Vera on November 2, 2007 #
I would say that it is up to you but my suggestion would be not to friend her. She did the wrong against you, she was the bitch, and its her fault. If she friends you first, then consider it because that would be her taking the step down. It would be up to you whether or not to accept, especially since it might be an attempt do the same again. But I wouldnt take the first step, despite what the proverbs say. She could be the same bitchy racist girl. Is she isnt, then she should be the one to come to you first and apologize.
Skye on November 2, 2007 #
On one hand, I think that we all say and do stupid things when we’re younger and the chances are she’s forgotten about it so for you to hold a grudge would be petty.
On the other hand, I know there are a few people from school I’d like to see again just to smack them in the face and then tell them how great I’m doing now – so I can understand the desire to keep a distance.
I would probably ignore her, unless she specifically comes to you for ‘friendship’.
Jem on November 2, 2007 #
If I were you I think I’d probably be neutral. Not acting upon it unless she does something first, but if you’ve still got that grudge then I say don’t bother. Go Amanda :D
Juice on November 2, 2007 #
How old was she at the time? I think that kind of matters.. :P
Matt on November 3, 2007 #
I think it would depend on how long ago it was, and what the relationship between you was. Was that incident the only time she talked to you?
I really enjoyed your fable, too :)
Kaylee on November 3, 2007 #
Facebook can be the spawn of Satan when it comes to running into all sorts of people from your past. People you were friends with once, people you STILL ARE friends with (amazingly enough), people you’d like to forget, guys you used to like, girls you used to hate… it’s really crazy.
I’ve got one too. I’ll try and track you down.
Anyhow, chances are this girl probably doesn’t even remember saying that to you. Who knows?
Meli on November 3, 2007 #
I personally understand your choice. I think that Facebook is cool if you want to find back that girl with whom you had lots of fun on her 8th birthday party, but if all you can think of to relate to her is “she’s the first girl I remember to have behaved in a racist way towards me”, then I think it’s good that you just ignore her.
Julie on November 3, 2007 #
The funniest thing about her racism is that she’s not even Australian. Her ancestors would have been British or the like.
Unless you truly think she has changed, you should keep up what you’re doing. If you think it might affect you to become friends with her only to have her be racist, then that’s the best course of action.
Nellie on November 3, 2007 #
I wouldn’t accept the request from such a bitch! If she had the cheek to say something like that, I would have slapped her all over! Although you have to think where she got such racist ideas from…
Chris on November 3, 2007 #
I would just completely ignore her.
But then again, I hold many, many, many grudges against people that were mean to me when I was younger. I know that if I’d meet any one of them today, I’d just let all the pent up anger explode :P
Kaisa on November 3, 2007 #
I was bullied in middle school but I had friended many people on myspace and facebook that I went to school with who were mean to me. I tried to forget the pain that they caused me and we were actually able to carry a conversation and they were nice to me. Some even apologized. So you never know.
Britney on November 3, 2007 #
I’m guessing you havent talked to her since the incident? If this was in elementary school, I’d think she was just young back then and didn’t know any better. That doesn’t excuse the racism, but…everyone does stupid things. I’d just forgive her (I wouldn’t friend her first, but if she friends you, I’d say accept it), unless she’s still a racist bitch.
Megan on November 3, 2007 #
Hmmm….this is a hard one.
I don’t know. I had many similar episodes at school too. And even though I forgot completely about those people, Facebook made me recall the harsh times….
I don’t normally avenge any deeds towards me unless they were good, that meaning I return favors gladly. I guess I’d wait and see if she requests to add you. If so, I’d ignore her completely and leave her request pending forever.
Yes, I’m bitter ;)
Constance on November 4, 2007 #
I wouldn’t. Simply because I doubt that she’s friending you to get to know you, but rather to up her friend count. You don’t want that negative person to be able to contact you, see who you talk to, etc.
Tracey on November 5, 2007 #