Comments on: Not Having A Say

By: Jingwen » Blog Archive » Arranged Marriages Vs. Love Matches

Jingwen » Blog Archive » Arranged Marriages Vs. Love Matches — Fri, 23 May 2008 22:37:15 +0000

[...] With a friend who’s in an arranged marriage, I’ve been thinking more and more about the probabilities of success in an arranged marriage, as opposed to success in a self-appointed love match/marriage. As the two are fundamentally different, it would be difficult to measure success as it would mean different things to different people. However, a form of measurement could be done via: [...]

By: Vera

Vera — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 03:33:31 +0000

It’s a pity they couldn’t wait some years for her to finish school. Or at least for the husband to let her do that. Though maybe if she asks nicely.

Well islam is a whole different way of life, as far as women are concerned. And in the end, if that’s all you see around you I guess it’s not so bad. Still I suppose she sees people like you in Australia, which must make it really hard.

By: Skye

Skye — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 02:05:46 +0000

I honestly have no words.

I’d agree with Belinda except that I know the ties of family and “what is expected” of you. Except that she won’t see much of her family now anyways, so either way she loses them?

By: Charlene

Charlene — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 14:39:17 +0000

It is a shame that such traditions as though are still into play. In high school I was friends with an Indian girl. Even though her family had moved to America long before she was born they still hung onto the tradition of an arranged marriage. She had a little say so on who to marry but pretty much it was her families choice. She was very upset about this and she was contemplating getting as far away from them as possible once she graduated high school. I lost track of her after she graduated so I don’t know what ended up happening to her.

By: Mari

Mari — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 22:28:24 +0000

That’s awful! It’s one of the most important decisions of her life, and she’s not allowed to make it herself. I can’t even imagine being in that situation. :(

If she has to go through with it, I hope she finds some happiness. You do, after all, hear of arranged marriages that work out well.

Any chance she will be allowed to finish her education before moving over there?

By: Julie

Julie — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 20:48:00 +0000

That’s sad. :( I just don’t know what to say… I really wish people were allowed to choose something like that, since it will affect you for the rest of your life and concerns you more than anyone else.

By: Ramsha

Ramsha — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 18:24:23 +0000

That’s rather imposing. I would think that at this time and generation, mutual consent would at least be considered. I hope at least she’ll grow to love him, and make her own choices in the future. I suppose a lot of the arrange marriages generally turn out to be more stable than the ones that are made by youth now-a-days. I hope she fares well through all of this!

By: Mish

Mish — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 17:10:28 +0000

That’s upsetting. I’m speechless. All I can do is hope for her good fortune =S

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 14:52:48 +0000

I have a friend who is going to have an arranged marriage some time in the future, but in her case she won’t be forced to move overseas if she doesn’t want to. She also won’t be forced to marry anyone she doesn’t want to. If she says she really doesn’t want to marry someone, she won’t have to.

I can’t even imagine being required to move such a long way away and marry someone I barely know… it just seems terrible. And not only that, but to give up my education?

I’m not helping at all… but I really hope things turn out better than you expect. Hopefully her cousin’s nice and not controlling, and she can study over there if that’s what she wants to do.

By: Sumaiya

Sumaiya — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 14:37:11 +0000

Hmm. As a Muslim, here’s my two cents on the matter:

I blame culture for that situation. In Islam, marriage is by mutual consent AND I’m sure that the family has no right to estrange her for not consenting. The problem is that the culture in many Muslim countries dictates that the family can overrule the bride (or groom, I suppose, although I think it happens to ladies more often) to be.

Belinda: In Islam, the husband must give money to the wife as a “just in case” - if the couple gets divorced or something, she will be able to manage on her own with the money. Don’t know if that money has been given or not (my uncle still hasn’t given it to my aunt, but they’ve been married for quite a while I think so a divorce isn’t likely) in this situation. I think other than that, any money, gifts, etc. is based on the culture.

In India, suitors traditionally visit the eligible girl and her family and both sides see what the other is like. I think things work out a lot better that way.

All I can say is that I hope the husband won’t prevent her from getting an education here and that the family made sure they knew who he was :/