Comments on: The Inevitability of Children http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/ A blog. Wed, 23 May 2012 11:10:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Brianne http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/comment-page-1/#comment-44932 Brianne Sat, 06 Feb 2010 04:41:35 +0000 http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/#comment-44932 There are many things to take into consideration when thinking about starting a family. I'm sure I haven't pondered all of them, but thus far I can't come up with a good enough reason to have kids. I'd be passing on my bad eye sight, a family history of depression and obesity, and creating another creature to use up the earth's resources. It seems best not to procreate. There are many things to take into consideration when thinking about starting a family. I’m sure I haven’t pondered all of them, but thus far I can’t come up with a good enough reason to have kids. I’d be passing on my bad eye sight, a family history of depression and obesity, and creating another creature to use up the earth’s resources. It seems best not to procreate.

]]> By: Kimmie http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/comment-page-1/#comment-1673 Kimmie Sat, 05 May 2007 13:27:25 +0000 http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/#comment-1673 My mom has worked in more nursing homes than you can count with both hands. The fact is, most elderly people die in their homes. The ones who go to these homes are either a) rich and want to live a party life in a dorm like setting. Seriously. They get a gym, pool, hair salon, shops, gourmet food, and then the housing is fantastic suites and lounges and other cool stuff. Very very rich people who are bored. b) Physically incapable of taking care of themselves. Alzheimer's, Type 1 Diabetes past the age of 80, Parkinson's, etc. Anyway, I know what you mean when you say you want kids. My boyfriend is like, "Nooooooo! My manly freedom." And I'm like, "I'm being straight up honest with you. I will have at least two children. They will be born by the time I'm 35. It is going to be awesome." My mom has worked in more nursing homes than you can count with both hands. The fact is, most elderly people die in their homes. The ones who go to these homes are either
a) rich and want to live a party life in a dorm like setting. Seriously. They get a gym, pool, hair salon, shops, gourmet food, and then the housing is fantastic suites and lounges and other cool stuff. Very very rich people who are bored.
b) Physically incapable of taking care of themselves. Alzheimer’s, Type 1 Diabetes past the age of 80, Parkinson’s, etc.

Anyway, I know what you mean when you say you want kids. My boyfriend is like, “Nooooooo! My manly freedom.” And I’m like, “I’m being straight up honest with you. I will have at least two children. They will be born by the time I’m 35. It is going to be awesome.”

]]> By: Mish http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/comment-page-1/#comment-1668 Mish Sat, 05 May 2007 11:30:06 +0000 http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/#comment-1668 LOL! And Tony Abbott wants you to have one. So does Howard. Come on populate Australia! I totally understand the pressures that you have. I'm sure it happens with everyone. Though, to me, it seems like humans won't even live to see 50 years past this day so I don't really want to carry an offspring which in turn will face even more problems that past generations have created. I'll just get rich and spend it all on me - and contraception. Gotta have enough sex in you're lifetime. *GRINS* LOL! And Tony Abbott wants you to have one. So does Howard. Come on populate Australia!

I totally understand the pressures that you have. I’m sure it happens with everyone. Though, to me, it seems like humans won’t even live to see 50 years past this day so I don’t really want to carry an offspring which in turn will face even more problems that past generations have created. I’ll just get rich and spend it all on me – and contraception. Gotta have enough sex in you’re lifetime. *GRINS*

]]> By: Aravis http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/comment-page-1/#comment-1666 Aravis Sat, 05 May 2007 04:01:36 +0000 http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/#comment-1666 I'm Filipino, and we're also huge on close-family ties. That's why when my family first moved to another city, all my other relatives (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc) moved to the same city as well, just so we can all be together. I think it's tons of fun. People seem to think close families are strict and controlling, but in my case, we're just so attached to each other, we're miserable if any one of us is missing. :P That said, I can't believe how cold people can be. Dropping your parents/grandparents off to a nursing home as soon as you're old enough to go on your own is the cruelest thing you can do to them. It's very selfish, and it's like you're telling them, "Thanks for taking care of me. I don't need you anymore. Bye-bye!" My heart would break if that happens to my elderly family. :( I’m Filipino, and we’re also huge on close-family ties. That’s why when my family first moved to another city, all my other relatives (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc) moved to the same city as well, just so we can all be together. I think it’s tons of fun. People seem to think close families are strict and controlling, but in my case, we’re just so attached to each other, we’re miserable if any one of us is missing. :P

That said, I can’t believe how cold people can be. Dropping your parents/grandparents off to a nursing home as soon as you’re old enough to go on your own is the cruelest thing you can do to them. It’s very selfish, and it’s like you’re telling them, “Thanks for taking care of me. I don’t need you anymore. Bye-bye!” My heart would break if that happens to my elderly family. :(

]]> By: Kat http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/comment-page-1/#comment-1665 Kat Sat, 05 May 2007 03:02:58 +0000 http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/#comment-1665 I am totally with you on this, family always comes first to me. I'm Filipino and like most Asian cultures, family is of utmost importance. Oh and I have to say, I'm not a big fan of the Western ideal of "me me me" I find Western culture to be so selfish. It's always about the self, what <strong>I</strong> want, how <strong>I</strong> feel, what feels good for <strong>me</strong> <em>(right now)</em>. I am totally with you on this, family always comes first to me. I’m Filipino and like most Asian cultures, family is of utmost importance.

Oh and I have to say, I’m not a big fan of the Western ideal of “me me me” I find Western culture to be so selfish. It’s always about the self, what I want, how I feel, what feels good for me (right now).

]]> By: Stephanie http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/comment-page-1/#comment-1664 Stephanie Fri, 04 May 2007 21:44:39 +0000 http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/#comment-1664 I was definitely not brought up as you were and a lot of what you're saying is a little offensive to me. I do agree that family is very important, and I can't imagine putting my parents in some elderly home. That's a horrifying topic to me. But, while family is important, so I am I, and so is the world. And each woman/couple should have a choice as to whether she/they want children. Each woman should be important enough to be able to say to the world, "You know what? I have better things to do with my life than become a baby-maker." Each couple should be able to make a decision together. And the world shouldn't have to hold so many people. Sure, it's nice to "continue the family line", but that's not the only important thing in the world, which is why there are different priorities for different people. For some, not being chained to children for twentyplus years is a priority, and if their family accepts it, it's all good. I'm ranting in your comments a lot because there's seems to be a big social stigma against women not having children, and it's stupid. Individuals are individuals are individuals and why judge other individuals' choices? I was definitely not brought up as you were and a lot of what you’re saying is a little offensive to me. I do agree that family is very important, and I can’t imagine putting my parents in some elderly home. That’s a horrifying topic to me.

But, while family is important, so I am I, and so is the world. And each woman/couple should have a choice as to whether she/they want children. Each woman should be important enough to be able to say to the world, “You know what? I have better things to do with my life than become a baby-maker.” Each couple should be able to make a decision together. And the world shouldn’t have to hold so many people.

Sure, it’s nice to “continue the family line”, but that’s not the only important thing in the world, which is why there are different priorities for different people. For some, not being chained to children for twentyplus years is a priority, and if their family accepts it, it’s all good.

I’m ranting in your comments a lot because there’s seems to be a big social stigma against women not having children, and it’s stupid. Individuals are individuals are individuals and why judge other individuals’ choices?

]]> By: Jem http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/comment-page-1/#comment-1663 Jem Fri, 04 May 2007 20:44:39 +0000 http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/#comment-1663 I think a lot of the people that say "I'm too selfish" do so because they're young and can't imagine themselves settling down with kids. Five, ten maybe fifteen years down the line I can almost guarantee that the majority of them will have had at least one child, or are planning on it. I spent my entire teenage years vowing to not reproduce (I'm too selfish, the world doesn't need another child, etc) but as I get older I see it as being a "when", rather than an "if". I think a lot of the people that say “I’m too selfish” do so because they’re young and can’t imagine themselves settling down with kids. Five, ten maybe fifteen years down the line I can almost guarantee that the majority of them will have had at least one child, or are planning on it.

I spent my entire teenage years vowing to not reproduce (I’m too selfish, the world doesn’t need another child, etc) but as I get older I see it as being a “when”, rather than an “if”.

]]> By: Vera http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/comment-page-1/#comment-1662 Vera Fri, 04 May 2007 20:39:32 +0000 http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/#comment-1662 Heh, I never really check those posts out... lack of any social life scares me from looking at them :P I DO want children sometime in my life, but at the same time I'm also scared I'll be a bad mother. I'm constantly fighting with mom these days, yet when I was younger (read 0 - 17 years) I always got along so well... maybe it's a late bout of rebelling? I always get so "sentimental" when I see little children. Today while waiting at the dentist there was a young mom with a 4-year-old. The kid was so sweet chattering away about stuff... well he was a bit creepy as for 10 minutes after I entered he would just stare at me, refusing to even sit down -.- Heh, I never really check those posts out… lack of any social life scares me from looking at them :P

I DO want children sometime in my life, but at the same time I’m also scared I’ll be a bad mother. I’m constantly fighting with mom these days, yet when I was younger (read 0 – 17 years) I always got along so well… maybe it’s a late bout of rebelling?

I always get so “sentimental” when I see little children. Today while waiting at the dentist there was a young mom with a 4-year-old. The kid was so sweet chattering away about stuff… well he was a bit creepy as for 10 minutes after I entered he would just stare at me, refusing to even sit down -.-

]]> By: Skye http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/comment-page-1/#comment-1661 Skye Fri, 04 May 2007 19:59:15 +0000 http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/#comment-1661 I'm not Chinese but I completely agree. My mom raised me with the filial relationship you spoke of. I want to have kids. Me and Josh (my dude person) are planning on 2-6. I've been having those maternal I-want-kids feelings since I was 12. But, while I do want to have them for me, it always reminds me of the fact that my mom will never see them. (The "having them for your parents" theory). Now, my dad is a complete other story. He's not a keep-in-touch kind of guy and the only reason I know anything about him is because I moved in with him when my mom died. He's often tried to convince me NOT to have kids. He says that I'm doing it selfishly. That I should think of the world the kids would have to live in. I’m not Chinese but I completely agree. My mom raised me with the filial relationship you spoke of. I want to have kids. Me and Josh (my dude person) are planning on 2-6. I’ve been having those maternal I-want-kids feelings since I was 12. But, while I do want to have them for me, it always reminds me of the fact that my mom will never see them. (The “having them for your parents” theory).

Now, my dad is a complete other story. He’s not a keep-in-touch kind of guy and the only reason I know anything about him is because I moved in with him when my mom died. He’s often tried to convince me NOT to have kids. He says that I’m doing it selfishly. That I should think of the world the kids would have to live in.

]]> By: Marz http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/comment-page-1/#comment-1659 Marz Fri, 04 May 2007 16:49:10 +0000 http://jing-wen.com/2007/05/04/the-inevitability-of-children/#comment-1659 In my personal experience, I have found this to be a generally Asian thing, because what you articulated in this post makes sense to me. Noemi also makes a great point about it also being a Catholic mentality, because I am an Asian who grew up in a Catholic household, so I pretty much faced that either way. I also agree on your point in putting parents into a hospice or nursing home. It doesn't make sense to me either and I've always viewed it as disrespectful. Now there are other points of view on this matter and I'm sure there are points made from that view that are good, but this value was instilled and practically carved into stone for me from very young. My parents want to have a house of their own (which I agreed to help design when the time comes), as they prefer to have their own abode, but my and my brother's doors will always be open for them. Back to the children thing. Even though I am in my 20s and I am starting to feel the pang of having children, I do not feel that not having children makes me feel incomplete. But I think this is because I know it isn't my time to become a mother yet. I still have other things to complete before settling down. World domination would be one. =) Another thing with coming from an Catholic Asian family is the amount of kids my mom expects to come out from me. She wants 8. I'm giving her 3. =P In my personal experience, I have found this to be a generally Asian thing, because what you articulated in this post makes sense to me. Noemi also makes a great point about it also being a Catholic mentality, because I am an Asian who grew up in a Catholic household, so I pretty much faced that either way.

I also agree on your point in putting parents into a hospice or nursing home. It doesn’t make sense to me either and I’ve always viewed it as disrespectful. Now there are other points of view on this matter and I’m sure there are points made from that view that are good, but this value was instilled and practically carved into stone for me from very young. My parents want to have a house of their own (which I agreed to help design when the time comes), as they prefer to have their own abode, but my and my brother’s doors will always be open for them.

Back to the children thing. Even though I am in my 20s and I am starting to feel the pang of having children, I do not feel that not having children makes me feel incomplete. But I think this is because I know it isn’t my time to become a mother yet. I still have other things to complete before settling down. World domination would be one. =)
Another thing with coming from an Catholic Asian family is the amount of kids my mom expects to come out from me. She wants 8. I’m giving her 3. =P

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