March 30 2007: Time Demands
Filed under Men
What’s more important, societal expectations of time devoted to a relationship, or the realistic amount of time that can be spared out of one’s working week?
When one is at university three days a week, as well as working three days a week, it goes without saying that one only has one day spare each week to do whatever one wishes. Is it then unrealistic to expect one to see one’s significant other three times a week when one has a schedule as demanding as the one above?
Short answer? Yes.
Relationships shouldn’t be about sacrifice. If one is required to sacrifice other loves and hobbies in order to spend time in a relationship, then it goes without saying that resentment of the significant other will build up over time. It’s a matter of: “You’re stopping me from doing xyz because you want to spend time with me. I’ll acquiesce to your request, but I’m going to harbour within myself x amount of resentment of your demands”. One day, this resentment will reach a point where there’s no other option but for it to boil over and create a blaze…and where will the relationship be then?
It’s about what feels right for the individuals, not what others expect relationships to be like. If you can only see each other once a week, once a fortnight, once a month…so be it.
It takes time to build a relationship based upon shared friendships, loves and hobbies, so until the point where you share that much together, just give each other the freedom to do their own thing, and come together only when the both of you can free time.
P.S. I’ve asked friend to email me a photo of his penis car…if/when I get it, I’ll post it up.
7 Responses to “Time Demands”
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Thank you for this! Not only am I going to bookmark this entry, I think I’ll print it off and force my mother to read it!
And I can’t wait for the picture of the penis car! ;) I *lol*ed when I read about that!
Li on March 31 2007 #
On the contrary, relationships are ALL about sacrifice. Five years of being in a relationship with a multitude of ups and downs has taught me that. If you feel resentful for making sacrifices then you are not in a relationship that is right for you.
Jem on March 31 2007 #
The pics of the penis car will brighten my day :)
I totally agree with the principles of what you said, however I feel it is impossible to truly not sacrifice or have another sacrifice, as there’s always going to be a time when you want the other to do something that they’re not really going to want to do, but they do anyway, you know?
Kelly on March 31 2007 #
It’s about what feels right for the individuals, not what others expect relationships to be like.
I agree with that so much, but in the opposite kind of way. I’ve had “friends” who’ve made me feel so bad about the relationship I’ve had with Tim because I spend TOO much time with him. I felt guilty for hanging out with him as much as I did, because back then, in comparison to my friends who only met up with their significant other only a couple of times a week. It was all like “why are you spending so much time with him? Why aren’t you doing other things?” when in reality there wasn’t anything else I’d rather do.
But in the end I learnt, to hell with that. Those people are more comfortable with their scheduling and I’m comfortable with mine. Relationships are so different, no one should EXPECT to behave a certain way in them.
Belinda on March 31 2007 #
I think it’s a balance of both sacrificing for your significant other and doing your own thing.
I’d hate to say anything cliched, but it depends on the situation, it depends on the other person, and it really depends on how you handle both the person & the situation. ;)
Shari on March 31 2007 #
I agree with Jem. Relationships are about sacrifice. You can’t do whatever you want and only worry about you and then not expect your S.O. to not get upset when you have no time for them. The fact is, making sacrifices shouldn’t be a problem. I always hate it when I hear people are fighting over things like not spending time together when they clearly can.
I get bitter because I’d give anything to spend even 5 minutes with my husband, but I can’t. There are more important things in life than being able to participate in a hobby that you love to do or doing what you want to do.
Jamie on March 31 2007 #
I agree with Amanda… a relationship should compliment your life. Not add on top of what you already have.
It shouldn’t be a sacrifice. If you think about you relationship that way, it’s ultimately doomed. It’s choice.
Mish on March 31 2007 #